Whiteout
by Timeloopy
Summary: After Juliet detonated the bomb, the screen went white. . . and Sawyer wakes up in a whole new world with his memories of Juliet intact. Does she remember? And if she doesn't, will he win he win her back? Will he have the courage to try? R&R appreciated.
1. Chapter 1

Sawyer was still strapped into his seat – the keening of the jet engine made thinking difficult. He fumbled with the seatbelt unsure where he was or what he was doing. He'd just been holding her hand – holding on with every ounce of strength in his body – when it had slipped from his grasp.

Someone had pulled him away from there – Kate he thought , Jack maybe – they'd dragged him away but he could still feel the pressure of her hand in his.

The high pitched squeal of the engine penetrated his thoughts again and he finally unbuckled the seatbelt and bolted from his seat toward daylight. She wasn't here – not on this plane – he wasn't even sure why he was on this plane. He stumbled into the sunlight and looked back to see the flames blossom as the engine exploded in a fiery storm.

Then it was eerily quiet except for the girl screaming in the midst of the wreckage. He did a doubletake –blonde hair maybe she was here too – but as he ran toward her realized it wasn't Juliet – realized Juliet wouldn't have reacted that way even if she was.

The smoke was thick and he stumbled away toward the tree line trying to make sense of it. He reached in his pocket and came up with a pack of cigarettes and tried to find the sense in that. He hadn't smoked in years – not since right after they came here.

And of course that was it. He took a better look at the scene around him and recognized all of it. Every face was familiar to him – Shannon screaming in her mini-skirt, Locke helping Jack pull someone out of harm's way, Claire ready to pop, Hurley, Sayid, and Kate.

He sat down hard on the sand, exhausted from the realization of what it all meant. They'd done it. They'd reset time except it hadn't happened exactly like they'd thought. He wasn't surprised he supposed – he'd never had that much faith in the plan to begin with – but this was worse than anything he'd imagined. He still remembered every excruciating detail of his loss yet they'd still crashed. They were still here doomed to repeat everything that had happened all over again.

He dropped his head into his hands and considered running out into the ocean to let it overtake him and be done with it once and for all. It had been hard enough the first time when he'd at least had hope– he couldn't do it again knowing what was coming – that he'd learn to love only to feel Juliet's hand slip from his and be powerless to stop it.

Some time later he looked up to see some guy in a red shirt emptying the liquor cart. That's when the thought struck. It wasn't the same – didn't have to be the same because this time he knew more than he did before. Last time it had been him pilfering the liquor cart and scavenging through the pockets of dead men. He got to his feet as he watched events unfold around him that had happened before only they hadn't – not exactly like this anyway – tiny details were different – things he couldn't even pinpoint exactly – things like who emptied the liquor cart.

That's when he saw Sayid standing there – really saw him. Sayid had been as good as dead when he last saw him by the van but now he was perfectly whole. And if Sayid was okay, maybe she was okay too. . . maybe, somewhere on this island Juliet had just been sitting quietly in her den when the memories of 1977 had poured into her mind. Maybe, she remembered.

He looked around the site of the crash once more and saw that Jack was taking care of the wounded and Sayid was organizing the supplies. He considered what he'd done the first time around and remembered that it had been some time before he'd done anything that could be called a positive contribution to the camp here on the beach. They'd be fine without him.

He walked into the jungle with one thought foremost in his mind. If she'd been able to forget, he'd let her because he wouldn't hurt her for the world. But maybe, just maybe, she remembered.

Author's note:

Lost heart for the other story after 'The Incident'. . .this one's a little darker but I think it's got room to move in a positive direction. Let me know what you think.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Hang with me here. This may seem like I've gotten off track but it comes round by the end of the chapter.

Kate never lost consciousness during the crash. When they hit the ground, her head ached. Around her events unfolded with a crazy sense of déjà vu. It had all happened before and it was happening again. She dragged the marshall from the plane and felt only a twinge of guilt when she took time to unlock the remaining cuff from her wrist and shove it into her pocket before she knelt to see what further help she could give him.

She surveyed his crumpled form and her eye fell on the wreckage protruding from his leg. She swallowed hard and tried to make herself pull it out but her stomach twisted and turned. Not only that but she was suffering from other memories that made no sense and seemed to intertwine with these. At that point, Kate Austen did something she'd never done before in any reality. She fainted.

She woke up with a kind face leaning over her and the fingers associated with that face pressing the vein on her neck to check her pulse.

"You alright?" he asked. "No, don't move til you're sure nothing's broken."

Kate blinked twice then sat up with a gasp.

"Jack!"

The man sat back on his heels and stared at her gaping.

She cringed. What was she doing? She didn't know this man – couldn't – but somehow.

"Kate," he whispered. She launched herself at him and he folded his arms around her, rubbing her back to quiet her sobs.

"Oh Jack, what have we done? What have we done?"

Jack stroked her hair as tears left trails of white down his own gritty face.

"I wish I knew, Kate. You don't know how much I wish I knew."

***

Hurley sat with Claire on the sand. He'd headed straight for her when he'd opened his eyes after the crash. It didn't bother him that two sets of memories were converging on his mind. He just accepted it. He was used to his world not matching up with the world other people saw. So, when Claire didn't recognize him and only thanked him profusely for pulling her out of harm's way, he just offered her a shoulder to cry on and took her to the water's edge to wait and see what happened next. He didn't have a way to get to Libby yet, but he'd find one. Libby would be safe for another 48 days at least. Right now, keeping Claire calm was the important thing and he had that well in hand.

***

The day passed much as it had before. Jack took charge of the wounded because he was the only doctor present. Kate lent a hand anywhere she could. And as the night passed, the chilling sound of the creature moving through the jungle left the same fear in their hearts as it ever had.

The next morning Jack sat with Kate on the beach and told her they had to go look for the cockpit.

"Why? We know the transceiver won't work. It doesn't matter. Why go?"

"Because the pilot's alive."

Kate looked down at the leaf she was shredding with her nervous fingers.

"And maybe he's not."

"Kate, if it's all the same. And it seems to be. The pilot's out there and he needs our help."

"It's not all the same, Jack." Kate's voice was low as though she dreaded Jack's reaction to her next words.

Jack looked around the camp and shook his head in confusion and sadness.

"Of course, it is Kate. We didn't change anything. But maybe we can help the pilot this time."

"If it's all the same," Kate raised her head and stared at the ocean, "Where's Sawyer?"

Jack blinked.

"I haven't seen him? Have you? I mean, he was right over there before. I remember because he was smoking and I asked him what he'd do when he ran out. He's not here, Jack. I'm not even sure Sawyer was on the plane."

Jack's eye roamed the beach and he was forced to accept that she was right.

"We still have to go after the pilot, Kate. We have to go to the cockpit."

"I'll come with you," a voice piped up behind him. "I'm Charlie."

Kate turned and tears pricked her eyelids at the sight of Charlie alive and well. He didn't seem to recognize them at all.

"Okay," Jack said. He pointed to Kate's feet. "You'll need better shoes.

***

The trip to the cockpit was another déjà vu experience. Only Charlie seemed oblivious to the fact that they'd taken this very path before. Only Charlie wasn't plagued by memories of the grisly images awaiting them at their destination.

So, only Charlie wasn't shocked when a voice called to them before they got to the plane.

"Hey, over here!"

Jack and Kate looked at each other in confusion.

"Over here in the grove of trees."

They followed the sound of the voice to the grove where Kate had once hid from the monster. The pilot looked up at them from the ground.

"He said you'd be heading this way." The pilot grasped one of the bamboo poles and struggled to rise.

Jack hurried over and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"No, don't move. Let me check you out."

"You Jack?"

"Yeah," Jack probed the obvious wound on the man's leg.

"I'm Seth Norris. The pilot. The other guy said you were coming when you took care of the wounded on the beach. You're the doctor, right."

Kate looked at Charlie who shrugged.

"What other guy?" Kate asked.

"Big blonde guy – definitely from the south. Drug me out of the cockpit and brought me over here. Said if I heard wild animals to take the gun and get behind those trees."

"What gun?" Jack's head came up.

Seth Norris raised a pistol then let it drop to his side.

"It was in the cockpit. When that other fellow pulled me out of there he asked if I had a weapon of any kind – told me I might need it."

"There was a gun in the cockpit?" Kate ran her hands over her head.

"Yeah. We're allowed to have them in case of terrorists." Seth tried to grin despite his obvious pain. "Don't get too many wild animals at 20,000 feet of the nonhuman variety."

"We need to get him back to camp," Jack said, turning to the others. "I need to set his leg – and he'll need antibiotics. And that gut wound could get serious fast."

"What about the transceiver?" Charlie asked. "I'll get it."

He turned in the direction of the cockpit and took off at a jog.

"Charlie, don't. . ." Kate started after him.

Jack laid a hand on Kate's shoulder. "Let him try, Kate. Like you said, things are different. Maybe it'll work this time."

***

They'd ended up in the grove just like before. Some things would always be the same it seemed. The sounds of the monster were rushing toward them and Jack left the shelter of the grove to go and heave a fallen Charlie to his feet. This time the fallen pilot waited with Kate and Charlie to see if Jack would reappear.

Kate counted.

Charlie jabbered.

And Jack emerged from the trees unharmed.

"So, we'll get you back to camp." Jack said as he knelt and heaved the pilot to his feet. "And you can tell us what happened to the guy that pulled you out of the cockpit."

" I don't know much about him. He just showed up not long after the crash. Told me we needed to get out of there and get someplace a little safer. He looked like he wanted to be somewhere else to be honest. We stayed the night by that grove of trees and then he took off this morning. Told me the doctor should be here any time now."

"He have a name?" Jack asked.

"I didn't ask and he didn't offer. Talked in his sleep though."

"What'd he talk about?"

"Not what. Who. Somebody named Juliet. That help?"

Jack closed his eyes and glanced at Kate who was struggling to hold back tears.

"Yeah. That tells us a whole lot."

Author's Note:

I know it wasn't from Sawyer or Juliet's viewpoint but I liked the way this scene looked from someone else's eyes. But it's still Suliet . . .at least in my mind.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's note: I don't know what got into me at the end of this chapter. I'm honestly not a big fan of well, you'll see. . .but this chapter is still setting up the main conflict in the story and I needed to make it clear where certain characters stand in this universe. . .

***

Sawyer hated that his mind worked this way. He hated that before he even got as far as the Swan his mind was telling him that he'd need a way to help Juliet blend into the camp if he found her. He hated that even while a part of him wanted to stay and help, and another part of him was spurred into the jungle by his broken heart, there was a third part of him. This part that was already hatching up a scheme to trick the people whom he'd risked his life for on more than one occasion.

Even if she remembered him, she was an Other. And when the group at the beach had discovered that same news about Ethan, look where it had gotten him. He needed her like he needed air, but there was no way Ben would let him into her world. So, he'd have to find a way to bring her into his.

For that, he'd decided, he needed a copy of the manifest – and he couldn't risk going back to camp for the one he'd found the first time around.

It almost hurt physically to deviate from the path that would lead him straight to her, but he'd never minded pain if it helped him reach a goal. He climbed a tree and looked for the smoke plume from the cockpit and headed in that direction. This was the next step in getting back to Juliet – he forced every other possibility from his mind.

***

He hadn't counted on finding the pilot alive. As he slid the official manifest from beneath the arm of the dead flight attendant, he heard the man groan and his heart sank. There was a time when he could have just turned away and left him. He was probably meant to die anyway – what's done was done, right?

But even as he shoved the bloodstained manifest into his pocket, he realized that he wasn't that man any more. Whether the Juliet at the barracks was his Juliet or a woman who'd never met him, his time on the island had changed him in ways that made ignoring the pilot impossible. After making sure no one else in the cockpit or first class was hanging on, Sawyer laid the injured pilot across his shoulders and carried him to safety. Or what would have to pass for safety with night coming on fast.

He thought he'd never sleep again with all the images burned into the back of his eyelids. But as he laid back on the ground and closed his eyes, he slipped almost immediately into an exhausted slumber filled with voices of the past. And in his dreams, he was falling with her. . .falling and falling and never letting go.

***

He woke to the sound of the pilot snoring. Sawyer stood and stretched his arms over his head, wincing at the sound of the pops and crackles in his shoulders and back. He dredged up his memories of those first few days after the crash – trying to pinpoint who had done what when. They'd come back with the transceiver that second day – Jack, Kate, and Charlie. Which meant they were headed this way. He walked over and knelt by the pilot, probing at the bandages he'd scavenged from the first aid kit.

Not great, but they'd do.

The pilot stirred and opened his eyes.

"We headed back to the beach?" he said.

Sawyer took a deep breath and felt the slightest yearning for a cigarette. He resisted the urge to pull the pack from his pocket. His body might have smoked half a pack yesterday, but his mind told him he'd made it without that crutch for years now.

"There's a doctor at the beach," Sawyer spoke without really looking at the pilot.

"He had a lot to do yesterday. Plenty of people to patch up, but he should be heading this way right about now."

"What makes you say that?" the pilot asked, puzzled.

Sawyer turned to face him.

"If I know Jack, he's headed this way just on the off-chance there's somebody here to save. He's like that."

"Doesn't sound like a bad thing. Wanting to save people."

A bitter grin crooked the corner of Sawyer's mouth.

"No, it doesn't sound bad, does it? Not unless you don't need saving."

"What?"

"Never mind. It doesn't matter. What's done is done. The point is that Jack'll be here before long. You've got the gun."

"Yeah, right here."

"Well, I heard something in the night. If it heads this way, shoot it. Just be careful not to shoot Jack."

"You sure you don't want me to shoot Jack. Doesn't sound like you're friends."

"Friend is probably the wrong word. More like brothers – the kind that don't get along. Anyway, Jack'll take care of you. Watch for him. And if you hear something coming and you have time, it'll be hard for anything to get to you in that little grove over there."

"I hope you won't take this the wrong way. But are you sure you just crashed here yesterday?" the pilot asked.

"Yeah," Sawyer sighed. "Yeah, I'm sure. Look I've got to get moving."

"There some other chunk of plane out there that you need to check out?"

Sawyer winced. Technically there was another chunk of plane out there – he thought briefly of Ana and Libby. But then again, if he could get to Juliet she might be able to influence Ben to leave them alone. He pushed it to the back of his mind. They'd be okay for a little while. Right now, he had to get to Juliet. He had to know.

"Just watch for Jack."

***

The night after they retrieved the pilot, Jack and Kate sat beside the campfire a little apart from the rest of the group. Kate shoved a messenger bag at Jack.

"I found his things. In the overhead compartment – his passport, his boarding pass – did you know he was being deported?"

"I'm not shocked, but no. I never knew that."

"Where do you think he went?" Kate pressed.

"The same place you think he went, Kate. To find Juliet I'm sure."

"But she won't remember him, Jack. What's he going to do when he realizes she doesn't know him?"

"What makes you think that? There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason about it to me. You and I remember – Charlie doesn't. Hurley remembers but Sayid doesn't. Rose just sits over there with that knowing smile like Bernard is going to step out of the jungle any minute. Of course I'm not sure that means anything – she did that the first time."

"You don't see it?"

"See what?"

"They were dead."

"What?"

"Dead. They were dead. Charlie was dead. Sayid was dying when we left him. According to Sawyer and Juliet most of these people that didn't die before we left, died when the Others shot a bunch of flaming arrows at them. They were dead."

" I still don't see what you're getting at, Kate."

"Me, you, Hurley. . .we were alive when the bomb detonated. . .Sawyer was alive and he seems to remember based on what the pilot told us. I don't know where Miles is but I'm guessing he's been hit with a wagonload of memories too. She's not going to remember him, Jack. She was dead."

Jack studied Kate and tried to work through her reasoning.

"For his sake, I hope you're wrong Kate."

"Think about it Jack. Everybody that was on the island and alive during the blast seems to remember what came before. . .but if they were dead or weren't on the island at all in 1977. . ."

"I'm not sure Juliet's case is that clear-cut, Kate."

"Why's that, Jack?"

"Because unless I miss my guess, Juliet died IN the blast. According to your theory, what happens if the blast itself is what killed her?"

"I . . .I didn't think of that. I don't know." Kate admitted. "She could have died in the fall seconds before the blast."

"She could have," Jack agreed. "But is it that you don't think she'll remember or that you don't want her to?"

Kate was quiet.

"Are you still jealous of Sawyer, Jack?" Kate looked at him searchingly.

"No." Jack said softly. "If you don't love me, I'm not going to blame anybody but me for that. But I can't be one of two people that you love any more, Kate. It just doesn't work that way."

Kate looked out at the dark where she knew the ocean was. They sat in silence while she let the sounds of the waves wash over her. Finally, she turned to him.

"Will you take me to bed, Jack?"

"Still trying to decide who it is you love?"

"No, Jack. So I can show you who it is I love."

***

The next morning Jack hummed as he laced his hiking boots onto his feet outside his tent. Kate peeked out and blinked in the sunlight.

"Isn't it awfully early?" she asked.

"We need to get an early start. Come on – you're a better tracker than me."

Kate looked around to make sure no one was in the immediate vicinity before pulling Jack's dress shirt around her and stepping outside to sit beside him on the sand.

"Where are we going, Jack?"

"To find Sawyer."

"Sawyer?"

"Yep. If Juliet remembers him, he may need our help to get her out of there. And if she doesn't."

"If she doesn't?"

" Well, if I'd woken up this morning and you didn't remember who I was, I wouldn't want to be alone."

"Are you sure?" Kate asked, using her hand to gather her hair at the nape of her neck.

Jack finished tying his shoe and leaned in for a gentle kiss in the morning breeze.

"For the first time I can remember, Kate. I'm not worried about keeping you away from Sawyer. I'm sure."

Kate ducked her head to hide a smile.

"Do we have to get going, right now?" she asked.

Jack raised an eyebrow.

"Well, I've already got my shoes on." He pointed out.

Kate caught his hand and pulled him back into the tent. "Shoes won't really be a problem."

***

"Since when do you mind that I'm married, Juliet?" Goodwin's voice was full of hurt and anger.

"I don't know Goodwin. It just doesn't feel right anymore," Juliet's voice shook. "Did you bring the list?"

Goodwin shook his head as he pulled the list from his pocket and laid it in her hand.

"So this is it?" he asked.

"I think it has to be."

"Is it because of him?"

"No," Juliet said softly. "It's not because of Ben. I . . .I can't explain it, it's just not right any more."

"Give me back that list a minute."

Goodwin took the list she offered and scratched a name onto the bottom.

Juliet looked at it.

"Who is Ana Lucia Cortez?"

Goodwin raised his chin. "Someone I think should be one of us."

As he turned and walked back into the jungle, Juliet was faced with the harsh reality that losing her might not hurt Goodwin nearly as much as she'd supposed.

Author's note:

As always tell me what you think. Questions and advice always help. What worked and what didn't? It'll help me make the next chapter better.


	4. Chapter 4

The closer Sawyer drew to the spot where he hoped to confirm whether Juliet was here, the heavier his heart grew in his chest. They'd been happy. It always came back to that when one of the Oceanic 6 asked why they didn't want to be rescued – why they didn't appreciate their efforts. They'd been happy and at least for him it was probably the first time in his life that he had been.

But every step that brought him closer to his destination reminded him that like every other happy couple, they'd been through some dark days. It had nearly killed him when she said she'd rather never meet him than risk losing him. Surely, she didn't mean it.

Dread filled Sawyer that Jacob had indeed granted Juliet's last wish – that he'd been wiped from her memory and that if she had a choice, she'd choose a life without him over the pain that life might bring.

As he approached the little clearing where he would find either heartbreak or hope, his stomach clenched. What if she wasn't here at all – not on this island – not in this reality? What if dying in the blast had somehow removed her from this picture altogether? He reined in the what-ifs and made himself step into the clearing.

For a moment ,he considered that maybe she would be better off if she didn't remember anything that happened. He stared at the stone across the way and hoped against hope that he wouldn't find what he was looking for. Maybe in this world, they hadn't been here in 1974 or even in 1977. None of it made sense any way. Maybe in this world, she'd never had to suffer. Maybe in this world, he hadn't known the loss that this clearing represented. This place where Dharma had memorialized their dead.

He swallowed bile and trudged over the overgrowth to where the stone was covered in vines. He pulled them away not wanting to see but unable to stop himself. He had to know – had to know what was real – had to know whether he'd even existed in this world in 1977.

As he tore away the brambles, the lettering peaked through and he fell to his knees in anguish.

"J. LeFleur - May she rest in peace"

Sobs wracked his body even though he'd thought all his tears were dry. It made the pain fresh all over again. So, it was real. It had all happened. At some point, he'd get up and keep moving but just now it was too much for him. At that moment, he felt like giving up all over again.

***

Jack and Kate tramped through the jungle with Kate in the lead. Their mood was in sharp contrast to that of the man they were tracking.

"You sure this is his trail?" Jack teased.

Kate rolled her eyes and turned back to kiss him lightly on the cheek.

"This is his trail," she said. "It's the only trail leading away from the cockpit that doesn't lead to the beach."

It was nearly dark when she bent and retrieved a water bottle near a small clearing.

"Looks like this might be it." She said, puzzled.

If she'd been following the right trail, Sawyer hadn't headed toward the barracks as they'd supposed. He'd headed here – to a small clearing about a mile to the east of the barracks.

"What's here?" Jack said, putting a hand on Kate's shoulder to restrain her as he stepped into the clearing first. "It's a cemetery."

Kate followed him into the clearing and they looked around them at the overgrown headstones that loved ones and friends had used to mark the final resting places. She looked around in the twilight not understanding as Jack crossed the clearing to take a look at one headstone in particular.

"This one's been cleaned off – recently." he said, pulling out his flashlight and playing it over the face of the granite marker.

"Oh," Kate breathed out. "But, I mean that doesn't mean anything – they probably think we're all dead."

The voice that answered wasn't Jack's, although it was familiar except for the tone of defeat that she wasn't sure she'd heard before.

"Not to you maybe. It means something to me." Sawyer crossed the clearing and came to stand beside them. "It meant something to. . ."

His world were choked and he turned away so they wouldn't see the fresh trail of tears on his face.

Jack laid a hand on his arm.

"She could still be alive. Charlie's down on the beach. Sayid, Claire, Locke. . .they're all alive down on the beach. There's still a chance that Juliet's alright, Sawyer."

Sawyer swiped his sleeve over his face and then turned to face Jack.

"I never thought she wasn't alive, Jack."

"But, you. Then why are you here."

Kate took the flashlight from Jack and knelt beside the little stone and brushed away the leaves from its base. Her voice wavered as she read the epitaph in its entirety.

"J. LeFleur – May she rest in peace – December 5, 1975 to January 30, 1976"

Kate turned to him.

"You didn't come here to find Juliet's grave."

Sawyer shook his head and grimaced.

"No. I came here because this is where we buried our little girl. Jamie. If Juliet remembered at all – if she remembered anything at all about me – she'd have come here don't you think? This grave wouldn't be like this if she. . ."

He broke off and walked away from them to try and collect himself again.

Jack and Kate stood in silence. They'd known Sawyer had done a lot of growing up while they were gone. It had never occurred to them to ask why.

***

Author's note: Too dark? It's always darkest before the dawn you know.


	5. Chapter 5

The Next Day. . .

-----------------------------------

As Juliet walked toward the barracks, she tried to decide why she'd become convinced that breaking up with Goodwin was so imperative. She came up dry. All she knew for sure was that after Ben sent Goodwin running off to intercept the survivors of that plane crash, she'd realized having him gone was more of a relief than anything else.

Still, ending things hadn't given her any real satisfaction. Now she had the distinct impression that she was just one in a long line of women Goodwin had used to supplement his marriage. Something was missing from her life - something beyond her hunger to get home to her sister and nephew.

She let her mind wander over the events that had brought her here as she trekked through the jungle. Her thoughts were interrupted by an unmistakable sound in the shrubbery.

_I swear if that's Goodwin and this Ana Lucia woman, I am going to steal the sub and take my chances. Ben might not kill me. . .make me wish I was dead sure. . .but. .._

She drew her weapon and waited to see who emerged, hoping against hope that whoever it was managed to get their clothes back on before they came out.

A woman stepped in front of her picking leaves from her hair. Dark curls, blue eyes, cute. Juliet narrowed her eyes. She didn't look like an Ana Lucia.

"Jack!" The woman's voice was panicked.

A strapping man with close-cropped dark hair stepped through the trees into view. He reached behind him as though drawing a weapon but his hands came up empty. He lifted his hands in surrender.

"Juliet?" Jack's voice was incredulous. "Juliet, it's us."

Juliet cocked the gun. "How do you know my name?"

Jack and Kate glanced at one another.

"We were on the plane. Flight 815. You don't remember?" Kate's voice was resigned.

"If you were on the plane, what are you doing out here? Why aren't you on the beach?"

Jack gestured for Kate to continue.

"We were looking for someone. A friend who was on the plane. We couldn't find him on the beach so we came into the jungle to find him."

"A friend, huh? Do you have any proof you were on the plane?"

Jack had begun to creep back toward the trees to retrieve the pistol he'd left behind. Juliet noticed and gripped Kate by the arm whirling her around.

"Don't even try it." She said as she leveled the barrel at Kate's head.

Jack looked back and forth from one woman to the other, then finally jerked his head back in the direction from which he'd come.

"You can check my bag if you like. My passport's in there – boarding pass – it's all in there."

"And a gun?" Juliet asked.

"And a gun." Jack nodded.

Juliet kept her weapon aimed at Kate's head as she made her way to the spot where the bag lay.

"Pick it up." She directed Kate keeping an eye on Jack.

Kate did as directed. Juliet held out her hand and Kate gave her the bag. She gave Kate a little shove so that she stood beside Jack. Her aim was steady.

"Start walking."

Kate glanced at Jack who only shook his head.

"You heard the lady, start walking."

Juliet marched her prisoners back to the barracks unaware that such a short distance away, someone waited for her. Someone that could have explained the deep aching she'd felt in her heart ever since she saw Flight 815 burst into flames overhead. Someone who could tell her why her prisoners looked so familiar to her and knew her name.

Unfortunately, Juliet didn't know to ask.

***

Juliet sat at the terminal and watched the screen as the prisoners threw accusations back and forth. A stroke of genius on Ben's part to add audio to the surveillance in that one bungalow. They seemed to know that they were being watched, but didn't seem to have any idea that their words were coming through loud and clear.

"What were you thinking?"

"What was I thinking? I was thinking, Kate's just ripped my shirt off and she's got her tongue down my throat. I think she might be looking for a roll in the hay to take her mind off things. That's what I was thinking."

"Me? The minute we walked out of that clearing you were all over me. Like you needed to reassure yourself that I'm over him."

"You sure it was me that needed reassurance? Didn't you two split up because he didn't want kids or something?"

"I thought you weren't jealous any more."

Juliet rolled her eyes and turned the volume down . Okay, not so much a stroke of genius. These two weren't saying anything remotely interesting. She kept one ear on their conversation but turned her attention to the army green messenger bag they'd had with them.

The 9 millimeter she pulled out had a good heft in her hand. She released the clip and found that there wasn't much ammo left – still – it felt right. She replaced the clip and laid the gun aside.

_Finders keepers. Wait, where did that come from?_

Juliet shook her head and reached into the bag again, this time pulling out a small folder. Inside she found a passport and boarding pass for Jack Shepherd just as he'd said. There was also a sheaf of paperwork on the rules for transporting a coffin.

_Interesting. Now why are you transporting a coffin, Mr. Shepherd?_

She heard the word 'buried' and she turned the volume up again.

"Finding him there like that. That grave. It was just too much. I'm over him, but it was just too much," Kate was saying.

"I just wanted to hold onto you. Just needed to know we were both alive." The man responded.

"I hate leaving him there," Kate said.

"What else could we do?"

Juliet dumped the items – minus the gun - back into the bag and headed over to the cabin. Ben was going to want to know more about this. And if she was going to get off this island, she needed Ben to believe she was doing her best for the cause.

***

Sawyer finished pulling every weed from his daughter's grave. He laid the flowers he'd picked from the jungle on the ground in front of the stone. He placed a hand on the marker and spoke softly.

"We loved you, baby girl. No matter what happened after you left us. . .me and your mama loved you more than anything. I'll be back soon as I can. Your mama needs me right now – even if she don't know it yet."

With an effort, Sawyer turned away and followed the trail Jack and Kate had left that morning. They'd said they'd do anything they could to help him and after they'd left, he'd decided to take them up on it.

He didn't need to see Juliet to know she didn't remember. She'd kept the little grave tended religiously. If she remembered, she'd have come here – she wouldn't be able to help it. He could accept that she didn't remember. He wasn't even sure he'd want to dredge up the painful memories that made up a portion of their past. But, she wouldn't get away with never meeting him. If she didn't remember him, he'd just start all over.

He was a survivor. And his love for Juliet. . . his love would survive too.

Author's note:

I think I may have lost the thread here a little. A little too heavy-handed on the sarcasm in a couple of places maybe. Anyway. She doesn't remember. But she knows something's off. And he knows she doesn't remember – but he hasn't given up. And Jack and Kate are a little too worried about Kate and Jack as usual. . . Hope you enjoy it okay. Reviews welcome – negative and positive alike.


	6. Chapter 6

_Author's Note: Sorry it's taken me so long to get back to this one. Hope you enjoy. The italics are flashback._

Juliet walked into the bungalow and tossed the bag on the sofa.

"Your things."

Jack watched her, but Kate walked straight to the bag and emptied it onto the sofa. She pulled out a passport and opened it.

"What are you doing up here? Why aren't you on the beach with the rest of them?"

Kate paused in her efforts to stand and look Juliet directly in the eye. The blonde was cool and efficient – and armed. Kate didn't miss the taser in her left hand despite her intentionally casual stance.

"We were looking for someone." She decided to go with the truth before Jack plunged her into another web of lies.

"Who?"

Kate picked up the passport she'd been holding and extended it toward the other woman.

"Him. James Ford. Have you seen him?"

Juliet took the passport and stared at the face. So familiar and yet she'd never seen this man – she was sure of it.

"Why are you looking for him? He was on your plane?"

"Yes. He was on our plane and he took off into the jungle. We didn't notice at first but when we realized he was gone. We decided to look for him."

Juliet's bullshit detector pinged. They were lying about something – she just wasn't sure what.

"Who is he to you? Your boyfriend? Husband?"

Kate sputtered, "No. Not that's not. . ."

Jack broke in, "He's a business associate. We think he was looking for somebody too – his wife I think."

"You think? You don't know if your business associate was traveling with his wife or not?"

Kate glared at Jack. He'd been back in civilization too long and forgotten that his lies would get them killed here.

"We don't know why he took off into the jungle. We only know that he did and we were looking for him."

"You weren't looking very hard." Juliet pointed out. "You weren't looking for him at all when I found you. I'm fairly certain."

Kate blushed which gave Jack time to jump in.

"We're just friends."

Juliet gave a harsh laugh.

"Close friends then. Very close friends. Listen. We really were looking for James Ford."

"That's funny. I could have sworn I heard you talking about a grave earlier. Here's what I think. I think this Ford guy is her husband." Juliet jerked her hand toward Kate.

"I think that the two of you were more than friends and you saw an opportunity to get rid of Ford – how would anybody ever know that he didn't die in the plane crash once you're rescued. I think the two of you followed this poor sap into the jungle and bashed his brains in. Then you buried him. Then you thought you were alone so you had a little celebration there in the bushes."

Kate stared at her.

Jack burst out, "That's the stupidest thing I ever heard. Why would we kill him? Why wouldn't she just divorce him?"

Kate tugged at his sleeve. "Jack, you're making it worse. Especially since he's NOT my husband."

Juliet looked back and forth between them. Her blue eyes narrowed to slits.

"You're lying about something. You can stay here until you decide to tell me what it is. Oh, and just so you know – the cabin is wired for sight AND sound. So, try to keep it G-rated if you don't mind. I have to watch that monitor while I eat my dinner you know."

She turned and left. Kate shuddered involuntarily as she slammed the screen door and the armed guard resumed his place standing in front of it.

"I'd forgotten she was like that," Jack said.

"Like what?"

"Cold and brutal." Jack ran a hand over his head. "I can't believe I'm saying this. But I hope Sawyer shows up soon."

Kate rolled her eyes.

"Is there anything to eat in that kitchen?" she asked.

***

Sawyer was trying to come up with a plan. He'd walked down the perimeter of the pylons, thinking that if someone was monitoring the cameras they'd see him and take him prisoner. But no one had come and now he wasn't even sure the cameras out here even worked. He tried to remember what Juliet had said about the cameras – but that wasn't one of the pieces his memory had held onto.

What he had found was three sets of tracks leading from the jungle straight to the control box for the fence. Two women and a man – he was pretty sure. He'd be willing to bet Jack and Kate were in there now – prisoners of the Others once again.

He sighed. So much for them helping him. What he needed was to see Juliet alone – for a million reasons – but mainly because of all the Others he knew her best. He knew her strengths and her weaknesses and as much as he hated to do it, he was about to use them against her if he had to in order to get his friends out of there.

Oh, who was he kidding, he just wanted to see her. Just lay his eyes on her and know that she was alive and not some part of a dream he'd had as he flew along at 20,000 feet.

He finally positioned himself near the control box because he knew that was where they'd come out when they left the barracks. Behind a grove of bushes – he crouched and he waited. Because the only way in was to know the code and to get the code, he was going to need to take one of them. The trick was to take an Other before they took him.

***

Juliet still held the passport as she went back to her bungalow. She'd managed to keep her cool in front of the prisoners but there was something about the face that stared back at her from the blue folder that gave her a chill. So familiar.

She was supposed to go update Ben on the prisoners. It was the right thing to do – to gain his trust. But instead she sank down onto her sofa and stared at the face – the chiseled features highlighted by those blue eyes that held just a little fire – the blonde hair that framed tanned face. So familiar.

Who was James Ford? And why did that face threaten the tight control she kept over her emotions? Why did she look at that face and want to cry? Because it was crazy to miss him – she didn't even know him – she'd been on the island much too long she told herself as she flung the passport aside and went into the bathroom to splash cold water on her face.

She let the water cool the heat from her cheeks and stared into the mirror until she regained her composure. A walk. That's what she needed. A long walk to clear her head. Between Ben's tumor and these mysterious crash survivors, she was just muddled. A walk.

***

He heard someone coming. It was almost dusk and he could just make out the form moving briskly toward him. As the form drew closer he realized it was a woman. As she knelt before the control box, he recognized exactly what woman.

He stepped from his hiding place without thinking.

"Juliet."

Without thinking, she brought up the stun gun and fired in the direction of the disembodied voice in the dark.

"Son of a bitch!"

He writhed on the ground for several seconds before he was still. She approached and rolled him over . Involuntarily, her fingers touched his face and something stirred deep inside her. It wasn't a memory – nothing that definite – it was just a feeling. But instead of staying by his side or taking him prisoner, she turned and fled.

Her feet carried her through the darkening landscape east – she alternated between running and walking – her sobs robbing her of breath.

What was happening to her? She was in control. She was going to get off this damn island if it killed her. She didn't have time to lose her mind.

But without knowing it, her feet had carried her where her heart didn't dare to lead. She stood at the edge of the cemetery clearing and though some part of her brain warned her not to go there – that if she wanted to leave this island that clearing was a danger to her – she moved forward anyway.

***

When he woke, he cursed again under his breath – expecting to find himself under guard and surprised to realize he was right where he'd started. He turned on the flashlight Jack had offered him earlier and trained it on the ground. He saw her tracks and followed – slowly at first then when he realized the direction they were taking – he picked up speed.

God, if she didn't remember before – if she was only now going to be faced with what had happened – he needed to get to her. He couldn't let her go through that alone. She'd barely survived it the first time and that time he'd had her back.

***

_Juliet stood in front of the mirror turning this way and that._

"_What are you doing?" Sawyer asked. "Trying to decide which is your best side."_

_Juliet jumped._

"_I didn't see you there."_

"_Primping?"_

"_No. Not exactly. Do these coveralls make me look fat?"_

_Sawyer guffawed. "What do you take me for? I didn't fall off the last load of Dharma mangos ya know."_

"_So I should take that as a yes?"_

"_You should take that as a 'you look pretty damn good to me with or without the coveralls'. This isn't like you. When did you turn into such a girl?" His voice was teasing. _

_She held out her hand and he took it – allowed her to pull him closer._

"_Just because I'm a better mechanic that you doesn't mean I'm not a girl."_

_He turned her around so that her back nestled against him. He ran his hands around her waist and bent to kiss her neck. She turned her head to grant him access. As his lips ran up to her ear, he spoke softly._

"_I never thought of you as a girl. Always thought of you as a woman."_

_She relaxed into him and raised her arms locking her hands behind his neck._

"_Damn coveralls," he muttered, raising a hand to unbutton the top button. She placed a hand over his to stop him._

"_You don't think the coveralls make me look fat then?" she asked, raising her blue eyes to lock onto his._

_He chuckled and ran his hands over her slightly enlarged abdomen nearly hidden by the loose fitting ensemble._

"_Nah, not the coveralls. Now my kid in there – now, she's making you look fat."_

_She turned and swatted at him playfully._

"_What makes you think it's a girl?"_

"_I'm better with the female of the species – let's hope it's a girl."_

_Juliet rolled her eyes. "She'll have you wrapped around her pinky finger if it's a girl."_

"_Just like her mama," he countered._

_He pulled her to him and slid his arms around her waist. She hesitated for a moment – fixing him with a cool stare – then a smile peeked through and she wrapped her arms around his neck._

_The kiss was sweet and chaste – but it didn't stay that way – and within moments, the coveralls were lying on the floor in a pile by the bed – along with his._

_***_

_Author's Note: Sorry it's taken me so long to get back to this one. Hope you enjoy._


	7. Chapter 7

Juliet stepped into the clearing and sank to her knees. What was she doing here? She looked around and tried to remember if anyone had ever showed her the little graveyard.

No. She was sure they hadn't. But it had that same familiar feel as the picture on the passport – as though she should know it somehow. She was so tired all of a sudden. Exhausted emotionally and mentally. Something flickered at the edge of her mind – a dream she'd had once – she was sure it was a dream. One of those dreams where you didn't really want to wake up.

_Juliet lay on the sofa with her feet propped on pillows and a glass of iced tea in her hand. She was reading a book, her favorite book – __Carrie__. She heard the screen door squeak and she slid the book between the couch cushions and picked up the book from the coffee table instead. _

_James had his hand behind his back as he came inside and crossed the room toward her smiling._

"_What you got?" she asked, closing the book and laying it on her tummy which had expanded to the point that she could barely see her toes at the other end of the couch._

_She tilted her head up and he kissed her lightly on the lips._

"_A surprise," he said, pulling a wrapped package from behind his back. The paper was a pastel yellow with a white bow of satin ribbon done up on top. _

"_There's no way you wrapped that," she said, extending her hand._

"_There's no way you're reading the biography of Johnny Unitas." He tapped the book she was holding._

_He held the gift aloft and reached between the couch cushions and pulled out __Carrie__ and waved it teasingly in front of her. She snatched it away and stuck out her tongue in a most undignified manner, causing him to laugh and kiss her again – this time on the cheek._

"_Thought you decided this was what was giving you nightmares."_

"_I changed my mind. I'll read what I like."_

"_I never told you to stop reading it. You told me that you were swearing off King until after the baby was born. All I said was that we are NOT naming her Carrie."_

"_You still don't know that it's a girl. It's going to be a boy and we're going to name him James. End of discussion. Now, are you going to give me my present or not?"_

_James winked and handed her the box._

_Juliet set the tea aside on the end table and pushed herself to an upright position. The ribbon slid easily from the box and she draped it over the back of the sofa. She appreciated the wrapping for a moment – absolutely perfect – which meant he'd had help – Amy probably. Then, she ripped the crisp paper away from the box in one fluid motion revealing the white box underneath._

_He watched her – enjoying her obvious pleasure at his little surprise. He wasn't worried about whether she'd like it. He was pretty sure he'd gotten this one right._

_The box was taped shut and Juliet flipped it over and slit the tape with her fingernail – mindful that she needed to clip them before the baby was born. She slid the lid off the box and pushed aside the tissue paper that covered the delicate treasure. _

"_Oh." Her hand went to her mouth and a tear wet her eye._

"_It's absolutely perfect! How did you get this? It's amazing." Juliet lifted the handmade white cotton gown from its nest among the tissue paper. It was embroidered with delicate white flowers at the collar and along the row of pearly white buttons that ran down the front. The handwork was exquisite. _

_Underneath the gown was a matching shawl – also in white – trimmed in hand crocheted lace and sprigged all over with the same delicate embroidery as the gown._

"_Just a little something I picked up," James said. "You like?"_

_Juliet dropped the gown and threw her arms around his neck._

"_I love you. You know that?" She said, when she pulled away to examine her prize once more._

"_I kinda like you too." He grinned – pleased that she was pleased. "You said you didn't want our baby girl running around in those Dharma duds. So I thought you might like this a little better."_

"_It's perfect," she repeated as she ran her hands over the soft fabric. _

"_You feeling any better than you were this morning?" A note of concern sounded in James's voice._

_She looked up and shrugged._

"_It's got to be 108 degrees out there. I'm nine months pregnant. My ankles are swollen to the size of my knees and your daughter not only finds it necessary to lie directly on my bladder – she seems to aspire to being a kickboxing champion." Her scowl faded into a wink. "I used to be a respected researcher before I started hanging out with low-life con men you know."_

_He rolled his eyes. "Now you're just barefoot and pregnant, huh?"_

_He picked up her feet and swiveled her back to her original position - kissing each big toe playfully before he deposited them on the stack of pillows._

"_Don't even start with that!" She reached for the icy glass and wiped at the condensate that had formed a pool on the table's surface._

_James took the tea from her and set it aside once again._

"_You are the most brilliant woman I've ever met. Hell, you're the most brilliant person I've ever met – man or woman. After the baby's born, you'll go right back to seeing patients and dazzling the Dharma higher-ups with your clinical insight. You've interviewed every potential nanny in camp and gotten Clara to agree to watch the baby IN your clinic so you don't have to be away from her. If anybody can do it all, I have no doubt it's you, Blondie."_

_He leaned in and kissed her tenderly. Her lips parted and his tongue teased hers. They lingered like that for a full minute – maybe longer. He cradled her face in his hand and relaxed his forehead against hers._

"_But right now, take a little nap and stay off your feet until it cools off a little. This evenin' we'll go hike around Dharmaville and see if we can't get Sleeping Beauty in there to decide to come out and see us." _

_Juliet gave him a coy look from beneath her lashes._

"_Is this the ONLY present you had them pick up for you on the mainland?"_

_He laughed. "There might be a few more things on their way over here after lunch. I'm warning you though. Some of it's pink."_

"_What if it's not a girl?" Juliet queried._

"_Well, if that's the case we'll just have to make another one later on I guess. Work, work, work. . ."_

_She was still laughing as the screen door squeaked shut behind him._

***

As he limped through the trees, he saw her sitting on the ground in the clearing. She wasn't near the grave, but something was wrong. He approached slowly announcing his presence.

"It's James Ford. I crashed in a plane down on the beach and I don't mean any harm. PLEASE don't shoot me again."

Juliet got to her feet and turned to face him. It wasn't just the face from the passport – it was the face from the dream. Tears streamed down her face.

"I don't know you," she said firmly.

"No," he agreed. "But I've got your back all the same."

For some reason that she didn't completely understand, she walked to him and let him wrap his arms around her. She sobbed into his chest as he stroked the back of her head.

Whatever happened next, he could face it just knowing that she was alive.

_Author's note: For the purposes of this story, the island has geographically jumped to somewhere that is hot in December. . .I'm not very good on where the vile vortices pop the island around to so I'll just hope that one of them matches up with that. ___


	8. Chapter 8

The moonlight cast its glow through the trees that overhung the little clearing and the two people it enclosed.

Sawyer leaned back against the trunk of the tall pine that had watched over their daughter's grave while they were away. Juliet sat staring at the grave holding tightly to Sawyer's arms that were wrapped around her against the cool night air and the grief.

"Tell me about her," Juliet whispered again. She'd said it before but Sawyer hadn't answered – he'd just stroked her arms and kissed the top of her head.

Juliet turned to look up into his face and their eyes locked. Without a word he begged her not to make him go back and relive the pain but her cool blue eyes did battle with his and won.

"She was beautiful. She looked so perfect in every way. And you," he faltered there. The words didn't want to come.

"Don't tell me about me. Tell me about her," Juliet insisted.

***

Sawyer woke in the early morning light to the sound of Juliet's voice speaking in soft soothing tones to their baby girl. He kept his eyes closed pretending to be asleep still.

"Shhhh. It's okay, angel. Mama will fill your tummy up and you can go right back to sleep in your very own bed. Mommy and Daddy need a little alone time every once in a while. Isn't that right, Daddy?"

Sawyer opened one eye.

"How'd you know I was awake?"

The baby turned loose of the breast and sought out her father with her bright blue eyes.

"Don't get her stirred up," Juliet warned. She coaxed the baby back to her morning meal and smiled at Sawyer. "She might go back to sleep and then we can sleep in."

"Sleep?"

"Well, snuggle."

They kept their tones low and even. In the monotone sing-song they'd learned to use to lull their daughter to sleep.

"If we're just going to snuggle, she could stay," Sawyer pointed out.

"I hate it when you play dumb," Juliet rolled her eyes.

"Oh, so you had more than snuggling in mind," Sawyer said, his hand creeping under the covers to her thigh.

"Let me feed the baby and then we'll see what else I had in mind. Wouldn't mind some hot tea."

Sawyer rolled his eyes.

"When her highness there starts eating solid food can we go back to coffee?"

"I am dying for a cup of coffee. Or a stiff drink. But there's plenty of time for that later."

Sawyer sat up and stretched wrapping one of his muscular arms around Juliet's slender shoulders. She was wearing pale blue silk pajamas that just matched her eyes. And her hair was falling in loose curls over her shoulders – her tresses glistened in the morning sunlight through the window. She would have said she looked a mess but he'd never seen anything more beautiful than Juliet holding their child gently in her arms.

He kissed the back of the baby's head and then Juliet's cheek before he threw back the handmade quilt that covered their bed and made his way to the kitchen to make tea which he hated. But if Juliet tasted coffee on his breath she always looked so pitiful – who would have known the Other he'd once half-feared had such a practical weakness. She'd do just about anything for coffee. He was just taking the tea bag from Juliet's favorite blue mug when Juliet appeared in the kitchen door – baby in tow.

"She's not going back to sleep is she?" Sawyer said, swapping the mug for the tiny bundle of pink flannel that encased his daughter.

"She stubborn like her father," Juliet sipped the tea. "Thanks, this is heaven."

"Heaven's later. . .when she takes her nap."

Juliet laughed and took the mug of tea back to the bedroom to get dressed while Sawyer occupied Jamie.

"Prettiest girl I've ever seen," Sawyer whispered holding Jamie in front of him where they could see each other eye to eye. "Don't tell your mama I said that though."

He pressed his lips to her tummy and blew a raspberry to make her smile. He didn't care if Juliet said she was too young to smile – he was sure she was just advanced for her age. He liked to think she'd gotten the best of them both – whatever his best was. His little angel was perfect and he couldn't imagine what they'd done without her.

Well, he could imagine one thing they'd done a lot more of without her, but he was going to take care of that. He had a sitter lined up for tomorrow night – it was going to be a surprise for Juliet. He'd gotten them to pick up a movie for him on the mainland – movie, dinner, and romance. At least he hoped she was in the mood for romance. He certainly was by now.

***

"So we were happy?" Juliet asked, her face troubled.

"We were very happy," Sawyer said, trailing a fingertip down her cheek. "You don't remember at all?"

"I only remember your face," she replied. "I only remember that when I saw your face again today – nothing else felt real."

"Maybe it's better that you don't remember the details." Sawyer said slowly. "There was pain with the happiness."

His eyes fell on the grave marker and Juliet's eyes followed his.

"To remember the happiness, maybe I have to accept the pain that comes with it," Juliet said softly.

Sawyer pulled her tighter against him. Eventually, he supposed he'd have to let her go, but for now he couldn't imagine that it was even possible.

***

Juliet just told her friends that it was a wonderful night. Sawyer had grilled the steaks to perfection and put on his very best Southern charm. He'd worn a loose-fitting white shirt and chinos – his glasses tucked away in the bedroom in an amusing show of vanity. The scent of his cologne brought a smile to her face. The cologne had made her vaguely nauseous when she was pregnant but that effect seemed to have dissipated.

Because right now as she peeked out of the steamy bathroom at the man checking his reflection in the mirror, the effect he had on her was anything but nauseating. Although she did feel a tingle somewhere in the vicinity of her tummy.

She waited until he walked out of the bedroom to make her way to the closet. It was like a date – maybe more like a date than anything they'd ever done even before the baby. She wanted to knock his socks off – prove to herself that she was still a beautiful woman and not just somebody's mother. She flipped through the closet looking for something he hadn't seen – which was ridiculous since they lived together but she at least wanted something he hadn't seen lately.

At the back of the closet she found it. A filmy black cocktail dress with a plunging neckline – it had been here when they moved in and she had laughed when she saw it. There was little in the way of cocktail parties here in Dharmaville. But, tonight it seemed appropriate somehow. She pulled it from the closet and held it up biting her lip – it looked tiny. She hoped it fit – the baby hadn't completely destroyed her figure but things weren't precisely as they had been just yet. Although she was working on that.

She put off trying it on and returned to the bathroom where she worked on her hair and makeup. She pulled her hair half up and carefully arranged the curls – the curls she normally hated and straightened away. As she blotted her lipstick, she turned this way and that. Not bad for somebody's mother. . .not bad at all.

Back in the bedroom in her slip, she eyed the dress and avoided it once more – choosing instead to go to the closet and pull out a pair of heels that she dearly hoped Sawyer would remove from her feet in short order because they were going to pinch like hell. Still, she slid her feet into them and smiled. Just for tonight, a little pain was worth the effect.

It couldn't be put off any longer. She walked to the bed and unzipped the dress. She held her breath and slid it over her head – praying it didn't stick on some part of her body that jutted out further than before. ..but the dress slid on like butter – leaving her with only the dilemma of the zipper.

As she reached and turned trying to get her hand on the pesky zipper, the bedroom door opened and Sawyer stepped through. His eyes slid up and down her body appreciatively.

"Let me help you with that," he said stepping behind her. He placed a hand on either of her hips and leaned in close so that his cologne intoxicated her.

He pressed his lips to her neck and she shivered. His talent for finding just the right spot ranked right up there with the island miracles as far as she was concerned.

"You sure you want me to zip it," he said – his voice soft and sultry and inviting.

"Mmmmm." Juliet leaned against him and placed a hand on the back of his neck. She tilted her head up and their lips met – gently – tantalizingly.

"I'll zip it up for now," Sawyer said, sliding the zipper up it's path. His hands lingering against the bare skin at the top of the zipper. "And later, I'll unzip it."

"Mmmmm," Juliet managed to get out.

It was a perfect evening. Around midnight, Sawyer slipped out of bed and pulled on his clothes. He walked next door and retrieved a sleeping baby from their kind neighbor who raised an eyebrow and got a wink from Sawyer in response.

***

"I have to get back," Juliet said. "I don't want to leave you but I have to get back, they'll wonder where I went."

"I'll come with you," Sawyer said.

"That won't work. They'll take you prisoner like the other ones."

"What other ones?"

"They say their names are Jack and Kate."

"Damn. Any chance you'll help me get them out of there?"

"I'll see. Where can I find you? When I have a plan."

"I'll camp in that grove of trees. You sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine. I know I shouldn't be. . .should remember some of this. . .but I don't so for now. . .I'm fine."

He watched her go with a bad feeling. He wanted to chase her down and hold onto her – never let her go – but he couldn't hold her prisoner so he let her go.

***

It was hours before she fell asleep – and when she slept it was fitful. She tossed and turned and woke up in a cold sweat.

But she hardly noticed the sweat because she was sobbing. She curled up in the middle of the bed and pulled her knees up under her chin and sobbed until she was sick.

She made her way to the bathroom and clung to the porcelain bowl – wretching until there was nothing but bile.

Oh god, she remembered it all now. She remembered it all. And she wanted nothing more than for Sawyer to walk into the bathroom and pick her up off the floor and hold her in his arms. As he had before.

But she didn't have the strength to get up with the memories crashing in over her. She was shaking when Ben found her the next morning. And in one of his very few acts of kindness, Benjamin LInus picked her up, tucked her back into her bed and headed toward the Dharma cemetery.

***

Juliet held the baby in her arms with tears streaming down her face. Rocking rapidly as though by rocking she could turn back time and make the baby well again. Sawyer paced like a caged animal. He'd tried to take the baby from her earlier but she'd refused. She'd yelled at him to go away that she was Jamie's mother and she'd make it all better.

Sawyer's heart was breaking – shattering into ever tinier pieces as he watched his little family fall apart. As he watched his precious girl's breath slip away and her mother's sanity slipping with it. How could they have possibly known? Juliet was a doctor. She treated sick people all the time.

How could they have known that the child that showed up in the clinic had more than a bad cold? How could they have known that Juliet would be a carrier who never showed the first symptom? How could they have known that within a week an epidemic would rage through Dharma – attacking nearly everyone but the beautiful blonde doctor?

Sawyer had fallen ill first. The fever had raged out of control and every nerve in his body had screamed out in pain. Thought had been impossible. Most everyone who contracted the virus was dying. But he'd done better than most – recovered sooner. Only to wake up and find that his baby girl hadn't inherited her mother's immunity.

His fault. It was his fault that she was sick because she'd inherited the susceptibility from him. He hated himself. He looked on as his baby girl screamed in Juliet's arms and Juliet rocked ever faster. There was no cure – nothing to be done but pray and hope. How could he have ever thought he could have something this good – this entirely pure in his life?

It was his fault. He was sure of it.

***

Juliet sat by Sawyer's bedside. She tried to keep the baby away from him just in case she hadn't been exposed yet. But she wasn't sick yet and half the village was sick. Surely, the baby was immune like her – surely the mother's milk carried enough immunity to protect her baby girl. But not her father.

Juliet alternated between caring for the sick who continued to stream through the clinic, sitting by Sawyer's bedside afraid to hope he'd survive this, and caring for her little girl. She never slept – never ate unless someone forced her. She washed her hands over and over until her knuckles cracked and her skin was raw. And then Sawyer's fever broke. Few of the virus victims had come through but with the few that had, once the fever broke recovery came quickly.

She dared to hope. She took a shower and went to collect Jamie from her crib. The baby was crying and felt warm to her touch.

No.

No, it couldn't be.

Her hands trembled as she went for the thermometer and took the baby's temperature.

She took the baby to the rocking chair to feed her, but the blisters inside the child's mouth made it a misery for her to try and eat. As Juliet shone a light into the baby's mouth, she began to shake.

How had she not noticed? Never mind that the blisters always came up suddenly with no warning. Never mind that the virus had very little precursor – you simply weren't sick and then you were. This was her child. She should have known – she thought. She should have known.

She took the baby to the chair and began to rock to try and soothe the crying. The baby screamed and Juliet rocked. She hadn't slept in days, had barely eaten, and she hadn't any reserves left to draw on.

When Sawyer woke and came to her side – saw that their baby girl was as miserable as he had been hours before. He wept.

And Juliet lost hold of what little peace she'd been able to hang onto.

After that, Juliet rocked. Sawyer paced. And the screams only stopped when Jamie stopped breathing.

***

Ben approached the cemetery.

"James LeFleur?" he called out.

There was stillness for a moment before Sawyer emerged.

"They don't call me that anymore."

"It doesn't matter what they call you. She needs you."

Sawyer didn't hesitate. He followed Ben. It didn't matter that Ben couldn't be trusted. She needed him.

_Author's Note: I apologize for the long drought again. I just really dreaded writing the baby dead and so I kept putting it off. It should get happier from here. . .there will be a bit of the melancholy throughout but this is the low point. _


	9. Chapter 9

_Author's note: I felt bad leaving off on such a sad note. . ._

***

Kate was curled against Jack on the soft cotton sheets. They shared a pair of green plaid flannel pajamas – he wore the bottoms and she had the top. He was warm in the cool morning air and she sighed contentedly as she entwined her leg with his and snuggled closer.

The shock of the cold air on her skin caused a sharp intake of breath when someone whisked the covers away with a rude command.

"Get up. Play time's over."

Jack sat up blinking in the light, moving instinctively in front of Kate to protect her from whatever new assault they were about to meet.

Benjamin Linus stood at the foot of the bed. He did not look happy.

***

Sawyer found her lying on the bed staring blankly at a spot on the wall. She wasn't crying any more. The shivering had stopped. The emptiness had set in – that terrifying emptiness that had threatened to take her away from him after they lost their child.

Sawyer shed his jacket and kicked off his shoes. He stepped to the side of the bed and spoke her name into the dark. No response. A tear threatened at the corner of his eye but he blinked it away. He couldn't do much for her. Couldn't bring back the little girl who had lit up their lives. Couldn't take the memories away again. So, he did all he knew to do.

Sawyer turned back the hand-made quilt on the bed – jolted a bit when he realized it was a bit more faded and worse for wear, but it was the same quilt they'd shared in the seventies. He crawled into bed beside her and pulled her into his arms. She was limp at first, but he lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it gently, stroking the back of her hand with his thumb. She stirred and looked up at him – her eyes bereft.

"We could have taken her to Richard," she said, her voice trembling.

"There wasn't time," Sawyer said softly. They'd had this conversation before. "She only lived a few hours after she got sick."

"I should have known she was sick. If I'd known sooner, we could have. . ." Her voice trailed off into sobs.

Sawyer held her close and stroked her back. He didn't have the words. They'd said all this before – more than once. Jack had risked all their lives to change history – to give them all another chance – but it hadn't changed the one thing in the world Sawyer would have changed if he could. He held Juliet as she sobbed into his shoulder. The grief was fresh again – they'd survived it before by clinging to each other . He only hoped they could do it again.

***

There was a Dharma jeep in front of their bungalow when he came home for lunch. He wasn't sure she'd be there. She didn't always come home for lunch any more. The epidemic was over and Dharma was forty-two souls lighter in the aftermath, but people were panicky and showed up at the clinic with the slightest sniffle these days. She was working herself into the ground. She'd lost weight – much more weight than the baby had added to her slender frame. There were dark circles under her eyes. He was worried about her.

He was a little surprised when a cart rolled out from under the jeep and Juliet stood up to greet him. He knew she puttered around with all things mechanical. To calm her nerves and ease her mind she always said. But it was the middle of the day.

Her smile faltered as she looked back at him. He had aged years in the weeks since their daughter had left them. His face had sharp angles and hollows – he'd forgotten to shave this morning and she could see the places where his beard was graying. He was pale and she could make out the outline of the cigarette pack in his pocket. He was smoking again. Smoking for the first time since she'd known him actually.

She drew herself up and plastered a smile on her face. Her baby girl was gone. . .at peace she had to believe. . .gone somewhere that held no pain and no worries. . .it was only her parents who were left behind wracked by grief and guilt. And worry about one another.

Juliet's smile had an unexpected effect. It was mirrored on Sawyer's face as he looked back at her. She was smiling and it had been so very long since he'd seen her smile. He loved her smile – loved her. He still had her, didn't he?

Juliet approached and threw her arms around his neck and he enclosed her in his strong arms.

"I've missed you," he whispered into her hair.

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "I've missed you, too. We need to talk."

Juliet clasped his hand in hers and drew him to the porch steps where they sat down.

"I can't do it anymore. Every time I try to be a doctor. Try to help people. It goes wrong."

"None of this was your fault, Juliet."

"I know that. In my head, I know that but it doesn't help. There was a woman today at the clinic – she's pregnant – I did an ultrasound and it's going to be a little girl."

Though her face was dry, there were tears in her voice. Sawyer squeezed her hand.

"I can't do it. I can't watch another patient die. I can't watch . . ."

"Look at me," Sawyer said. He took both her hands in his and waited until she looked him in the eye. "You don't have to. You don't have to go back to the damn clinic. They can find another doctor – you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Just, don't slip away from me, okay? Don't you dare leave me, Blondie. I need you."

Juliet blinked back tears.

"They need another mechanic at the shop. I'm pretty good – I used to help my dad – didn't have any brothers."

"Prettiest damn mechanic Dharma will ever have."

"That's sexist."

"Yeah, well. It's the seventies. It sort of comes with the territory."

"Promise me I'll never have to go back in that clinic and look another patient in the eye who trusts me to make it all better."

"If you promise me you won't leave me again."

"I didn't go anywhere, James."

"Darling, you've been gone for weeks. This is the first time we've really talked since the funeral."

"I won't go anywhere again, James. As long as you've got my back."

He smiled and his dimple creased his cheek.

"Absolutely, Blondie. Shall we go tell Horace he's about to get the best damn mechanic he ever saw?"

"Sounds like a plan," Juliet said trying to keep her voice light. They walked past the blue Dharma jeep and Sawyer slammed his hand down on the hood as they passed.

Things would never be quite the same again, but they were together so there was hope.

***

"We got through it," Juliet whispered, her fingers twisted in Sawyer's shirt which was damp from her tears.

"We survived."

"You broke your promise."

"Yeah. I guess I did."

"It worked out okay though," Juliet offered. "The day I delivered Amy's baby."

"That was a very good day," Sawyer said. He bent to kiss the top of her head.

***

There was a faint smell of scorched spaghetti sauce in the air as Juliet's fingers trailed over Sawyer's bare chest.

"You're hot," she said with an uncharacteristic giggle.

"Damn straight, I'm hot. Almost as hot as you," he winked at her and she giggled again.

"Supper's ruined," she said rolling over and pulling the sheet with her. She wrapped herself in it though Sawyer made no effort to cover himself.

"Always preferred dessert first, anyway." He said lanquidly as he watched her leave the room with the sheet trailing behind her.

She came back with two plates of slightly congealed spaghetti and handed one to him.

"Wine?" Sawyer asked, sitting up.

"I brought the spaghetti," Juliet pointed out.

Sawyer handed her his plate and planted a kiss on the tip of her nose. "I'll get the wine."

When he came back, Juliet had arranged the pillows just so and was leaned against the headboard happily slurping noodles.

"If you're Lady, does that make me the Tramp?" He extended the wineglass and she took it.

"That sounds like a very apt description to me," Juliet returned. "Now all we need are puppies."

He sat down beside her without saying anything. Tipped his glass and sipped tentatively at the deep red liquid inside.

"What do you think?" she asked nervously.

He looked at her and searched her face. She was serious and vulnerable.

The right words failed him so he leaned in and kissed her instead.

"You're amazing," he said for the second time that day.

"Is it time do you think? Are we ready to try again?" Juliet's voice was tentative.

He took her spaghetti and set it alongside his on the night stand. He placed their wineglasses beside the plates.

"I think," he said, pulling the pillow from behind her head and replacing it with his hand. He kissed her and eased her back down onto the bed. "I think that we should get started right away before you change your mind."

Juliet pulled away and looked at him seriously.

"Not that we could ever replace her."

"No," he answered somberly. "We'll always love her. But we've got enough love for another. . .puppy."

He winked at her and she smiled. And before he was done, she couldn't stop smiling.

***

As the sun came up, Sawyer let his mind drift to the mistakes he'd made after that night. To all the things he'd have done differently if he'd known she was the least bit insecure about his feelings for Kate. But all that was in the past no matter how you looked at it. All he could do now as hold onto the woman he loved and hope that she still loved him too.

She was too lost in the sea of new memories to think at all. All she knew was that she felt better able to handle it all with him here. With him here, she could survive.

***

Benjamin Linus marched Jack and Kate past Juliet's window though no one inside that bungalow thought to look out just then. As Ben had just informed them, Jack and Kate were about to have a very unpleasant two weeks. The only opposition to his plan for Jack had been Juliet and she was safely tucked away with her redneck lover now. It wasn't ideal, Ben thought, but it would have to do. She'd pay for her disloyalty soon enough.


	10. Chapter 10

"You need to get up and get dressed," Sawyer's voice was gentle but unyielding.

"Why?" she asked.

"Because that's what we do. We keep going. And maybe today's so damn bad we wish we never got up but maybe something good happens today. So, get up."

Juliet swallowed. Her throat was sore. Her eyes were sore. Her stomach churned and rolled from the emotional upheaval of the night before. Although it was well into afternoon before he urged her out of bed.

"What do we do?"

"Get a shower. I'll make breakfast – you still take your coffee black with sugar?"

"Yeah," she was hoarse. Her voice sounded unnatural to her own ears. "What do we do after breakfast?"

He hated to see her like this. He admired her strength and intelligence and drive to get things done.

"Don't think past breakfast. Don't think past the shower really. Just put one foot in front of the other."

"Does it get better?" she asked, her eyes pleading with him to tell her it did.

He didn't answer, but he walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower.

"Don't let your water get cold. I'll be in the kitchen. You said you'd help me get them out of here. You still willing to do that?"

Juliet tried to focus on his voice. Get who out of where? Oh, right. The prisoners. No, not prisoners. Old friends or were they enemies? She'd never been quite sure. The old insecurity welled up in her – was he here for her or just because he wanted to save Kate? She stepped into the shower and let the water pound over her – washing away the salty tears that coated her face and the stench of cold nervous sweat.

And then the shower curtain was pushed aside and he was there with her. Kissing her. Holding her. Murmuring her name against her wet skin. And as his skin slid against hers and she looked into his eyes, there was no one in the room but them. He was here with her. Her and her alone.

And as she let him take her amid the steam that bounced off the shiny white porcelain tile, she let the last wall holding back her memories crumble and all that was good about their relationship poured into her mind. As her nails dug into his back and he moaned in release, she let herself drown in the pleasure and the love. The insecurity floated down the drain with the last of the soap bubbles that trickled down her back. And for the moment at least, they were happy.

***

A week later, Juliet sat at the kitchen table sipping at the coffee Sawyer had just poured.

"Are you ready to talk about getting them out of here?" Sawyer probed lightly as he sat down across from her.

She ignored him and picked up the book beside her plate. Carrie. He'd noticed that she always drifted back to the familiar when she wasn't ready to face what was new.

***

Sawyer was out of patience. He'd spent the last three weeks retreading old ground with Juliet. The grieving process had to work itself out all over again and it was almost as hard for him as it was for her. Maybe harder since he wanted so badly to make it easier for her.

"It feels like a lie somehow. Now that I remember the details. . .our whole life in the seventies feels like a lie," Juliet was saying as she perched on the grass while Sawyer lay on his back working on the water pipes that Ethan had never managed to get around to fixing.

Sawyer raised up and hit his head on the pipes.

"Son of a bitch!" he snarled as he rolled out from where he'd been laying. "Juliet, there's nothing we can do about it. Did we screw up? Maybe. Were we perfect? Hell, no. Nobody is. Did we love her? Did we love her and do everything we knew to do for her at the time? Yeah. We did. And you know it deep down. You know that we just ran out of options. But we got through it."

Juliet stared at him stunned. He'd been so calm since he'd come back. He'd listened to all her laments and regrets. He'd cradled her in his arms as she cried and stood her on her feet when she fell. But now she realized that this hadn't been any easier for him than for her. And every time she blamed herself for what had happened, she was blaming him too.

"I'm sorry," she said softly.

Sawyer ran his hands through his hair and growled. "I don't want you to be sorry. I want you to be happy. I want you to forgive yourself so we can try to have some kind of life together. Do you think we can do that?"

"I think," she said forcing herself not to cry again. He'd seen enough of that from her over the past month. "I think we should put your plan into action - the one to get your friends out of here. Ben's got them at the Hydra."

"I know," Sawyer said, his eyes never leaving her face. He felt guilty for yelling at her but he needed her to find her strength. "You're okay with the lying."

"I'm. . .I guess I have to be."

"We can't let our guard down. Even when we're alone, we can't really. . ."

"I know. I know better than anybody how many eyes and ears Ben has on this island."

"Then, let's get to work."

***

Jack strained against the hands that held him and Kate lay on the ground shivering from the taser blast. It was killing him to watch it. When he disobeyed they hurt her – not him. She had bruises on her wrists and a cut on her face that he longed to clean and fix for her. But they wouldn't let him fix it. Only barked orders at him – you haul the rocks while she loads them up. And if he balked, they punished her.

As Kate got unsteadily to her feet, Jack saw her eyes light on something behind him. He turned to follow her gaze. It was Juliet – her hair pulled back severely at the back of her head and her eyes hard as cold steel. There was no sign of weakness in her now – no sign that the month before she'd lain broken like a china doll.

"You idiots. What do you think you're doing?" she snapped, snatching the taser from Pickett's hand.

"Keeping them in line. I thought you were back on the main island. When did you get over here?"

"This morning."

A familiar figure stepped out of the treeline behind her and Kate's eyes widened again. Sawyer stood outlined by the greenery with a rifle swung over his shoulder. His smile was relaxed but dangerous.

"Whose that?" Pickett gestured to Sawyer.

"Friend of mine," Juliet said. "Now what the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Ben said."

"I don't care what Ben said. He also said my research was the primary objective, right?"

"Well, yes, but I don't see"

"She's my patient."

"That's ridiculous. You treat pregnant women."

"And you know for a fact that she's not pregnant?"

"Well, no. But I mean, Ben would have said."

Juliet turned to Sawyer and held out her hand. He sauntered over and handed her a small black bag like doctors always carried in old movies. She knelt and extracted a syringe.

"I think Ben would want us to at least check – don't you?"

Pickett opened and closed his mouth but didn't interfere when Juliet approached Kate and gripped her forearm.

"Pregnant?" Kate said unsteadily.

Juliet winked and spoke in low tones only Kate could hear. "50/50 shot right? I saw the surveillance footage. You COULD be pregnant."

Kate went vaguely pale as Juliet found a vein and extracted a vial of blood. Jack looked on in confusion as Juliet took the vial and strode purposefully toward the main building near the cages. Sawyer followed her inside as they looked on.

In the lab, Sawyer hopped onto the counter as Juliet pulled out the necessary equipment from the cabinet to do the test.

"So, if she's pregnant, you really think Ben'll just hand her over to you."

"For my experiments. Yep. Ben really wants an answer to the fertility problems. He'll let me experiment on her to my heart's content."

"So, what does that entail exactly?"

"Well, I won't hit her with a jolt of electricity every couple hours just to piss Jack off it that's what you mean."

"Can we hit Jack with a jolt of electricity every couple hours. . .just for fun?"

"No. That wouldn't be ethical."

"Damn."

She laughed as she worked.

"How do we get Jack out then?"

"He wants Jack to do surgery on him. Remove a tumor. You don't remember?" she teased.

He leaned over and kissed her lightly on the lips. "I remember."

"So, you tell me. You're the one who used to lie for a living. I'm a doctor not a con man."

Sawyer got up and paced around the lab. It felt weird to see her here – he'd never known her as a scientist – a doctor and a mechanic – a mother and a wife – but here in the lab she looked more at home than he'd ever seen her.

"We have to let him think he's conned Jack into doing it. The surgery. I think Jack has to do the surgery."

"Unfortunately, I think you're right."

"If you tell him she's pregnant – Ben I mean – then he'll figure that's something else to hold over Jack's head. Pregnant women die on the island but if Jack does the surgery – he'll let them go."

"He won't really let them go though. We know that," Juliet said practically.

"Doesn't matter. We need Ben to think he's got the upper hand."

"Then what," she prompted.

"Then we play it by ear. Like always. Ben'll be laid up. He sort of trusts you. We can do this."

"Well, well, well." Juliet raised an eyebrow as she completed the test and looked at Sawyer with a smirk.

"She's knocked up?" Sawyer said, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh yeah. . .well, unless her blood test got mixed up with someone else's. . .looks like," Juliet smirked a little.

"Do pregnant women really die on the island?" his brow creased in concern. He placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Depends on the date of conception. . .which I won't know until I examine her if we can figure it out then. We'll get her off the island somehow if we need to."

"I don't think they actually met til they got to the island this time – I mean – it's confusing but I think it's just our minds that remember the other time."

"Who says the baby belongs to Jack?"

"Who else would it belong to?"

"A guy in a bar? The arresting officer? How would I know? She never seemed all that picky to me."

There was an edge in her voice that set off warning bells for Sawyer.

"Juliet, about that other thing we fought about before. You do know. . ."

"You're with me now. I think I finally get that. Just don't go staring at her ass with me right there. Okay?"

"Got it. I'll try to control myself."

She leaned over and he met her in the middle for a kiss.

"So, who do we tell first – Kate or Ben?"

"What does your con man instinct say?" Juliet asked washing her hands at the sink.

"Kate's a lousy liar. . .she'll never pull off acting surprised."

"Then we tell Ben."

"We tell Ben."

***

Author's note: Revised a little in light of later events. . .


	11. Chapter 11

Juliet was sitting in the dolphin room at the Hydra staring through the glass at Kate Austin. Kate, bless her heart, looked truly terrified despite the fact that she had an inkling that Juliet remembered her now. Actually, a lot of Kate's fear was rooted in the fact that Juliet had her memory back.

"She'd have shot you. No problem." Sawyer's words from another lifetime rang in her ears. And since then, Kate was afraid she'd given Juliet more reasons to hate her than not. So Kate sat watching as the icy blonde flipped the pages of a folder in complete silence while she shivered behind the glass like some kind of museum exhibit. By the time Juliet looked up, Kate felt nauseous.

"Kate Austin. " Juliet smiled pleasantly but her eyes were decidedly cool. Juliet had dressed carefully for this encounter. She wore khaki pants and a tailored blue blouse that showed off her eyes. Her hair was down loose in long silken waves. Her makeup was almost imperceptible thought it showed off all her features to her best advantage. She looked good and she knew it.

Kate, by comparison, was wearing the floral print sundress that Ben had instructed Tom to give her. It was a little worse for wear having been slept in and worked in for the last two days. Her hair was stringy and dirty. It was hard to imagine, with everything else that had gone wrong, but at that moment, she'd have traded her very soul for a hot shower. She wasn't hungry. Although this most recent wave of nausea seemed to have been brought on by nerves, she hadn't felt like eating this morning because she'd already been nauseous. In short, she felt lousy. She knew she looked lousy. And seeing Juliet looking so pristinely cool and confident had exactly the effect it was intended to. She felt miserable and alone.

"Where's Jack? I want to see Jack." Kate demanded trying to regain some semblance of control.

"You've seen quite a lot of Jack already. A little too much of Jack maybe." Juliet tapped the file. "Do you know what this is?"

Kate shook her head and hugged herself. She felt a chill though the air in the little room was stagnant. The last time she'd been in this room Jack had been in here and she'd been on the other side of the glass. She wondered how he'd stood it for days on end.

"This is your medical file. We've done a complete work-up on the blood sample you provided and we've managed to get hold of your medical history and police record. This." Juliet tapped the file again. "This is your life, Kate Austin."

"I want to see Jack. I'm not saying a word until you let me see Jack."

"I don't need you to say a word." Juliet said, rising and walking until they were face to face with only the glass separating them. "I need you to listen carefully. You're pregnant."

Kate shook her head and backed away from the glass. "No." She mouthed the word but no sound came out.

Juliet ignored her reaction and stepped closer to the glass.

"The problem is that pregnant women tend to have problems here on the island. Now, I've been studying those problems for some time and the good news is that I'm going to do everything in my power to help you and your baby."

"What kind of problems?" Kate said uneasily though she already knew. She remembered it from the other timeline but she hoped against hope that it wasn't true in this one.

"They die." Juliet said succinctly. "Pregnant women die on this island. Do you think you could look at me while I talk? This is important."

Kate's head came up and she approached the glass to stare into Juliet's eyes.

"Is it at all possible that you got pregnant before you got here?"

It was the key. The lynchpin in the entire plan. If she'd gotten pregnant before she got here, she had a decent chance of survival. But if it happened here on the island, it was unlikely she'd ever survive this pregnancy. Not here.

Kate looked at Juliet with tears welling up in her eyes. Juliet felt her own eyes growing damp. Damn Kate. Damn her to hell. Sawyer might not be in love with Kate any more but he still cared about this woman. If something happened to her, Juliet didn't like to think what it would do to him. He'd suffered enough loss for one lifetime. They both had.

Kate's mind whirled around the implications. She turned away from the glass and paced in the cell like a wild animal.

Juliet spoke carefully. "If you got pregnant on the island, we'll do everything we can to help you. Do you understand, Kate? If you got pregnant on the island, we'll do everything in our power to see that you and your child are safe."

Kate stopped pacing as the words finally penetrated her fear. She turned and faced Juliet and though tears still coursed down her cheeks, her spine was ramrod straight.

"It happened here. The only time I could have gotten pregnant in the last few months was after I got here. With Jack."

Juliet closed her eyes and counted to five.

"Okay. Okay then. We'll do what we can. Someone will be down later to bring you to my exam room for an ultrasound."

As Juliet turned to go, Kate spoke again.

"Can I see Jack? Can I tell him about the baby?"

Juliet turned to her and this time there was genuine regret in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Kate. That's the way it should be I guess but he already knows. Ben's telling him right now."

"But. . .he shouldn't find out that way."

"No," Juliet agreed. "He shouldn't. But that's how it is here. What should happen never seems to."

***

"Why should I believe you?" Jack was saying from his cage. He wasn't sure which made him more nervous – Ben Linus standing in front of him telling him Kate was pregnant. Or Sawyer standing ten feet away, leaning against the other cage with his arms folded across his chest like he didn't have a care in the world. Surely Sawyer hadn't gone over to the other side. .. although, why would he side with Jack now that Jack thought about it.

"Come with me," Ben said, moving to unlock the cage. He turned to Sawyer with a sneer. "Cover me in case he tries something."

"Sure," Sawyer drawled. He picked up the rifle that had been propped against his leg and aimed it at Jack with an unpleasant smile. "Try something, Doc. I dare ya."

Jack glared at both men but decided to follow on the off-chance they were taking him to Kate. He wanted to think they were lying to him. That there was some weird ulterior motive in telling him Kate was pregnant, but try though he might he couldn't come up with one. Besides, she definitely could be pregnant. They'd taken little precaution since they'd been here and he wasn't sure why it hadn't occurred to him that this was bound to be the result eventually.

He followed Ben to a small room full of television monitors that currently showed surveillance footage of various points on Hydra Island. . .and a few key points on the other island. Ben flipped a switch and killed the feed. He turned to Sawyer.

"Go back to the lab. Make sure she doesn't fall apart again. I need her at her best for the next few days," Ben barked.

"Kills you that I can hold her together and you can't, doesn't it, Bug-eyes?" Sawyer hadn't really meant to let that slip out but impulse control wasn't really his strong suit anyway.

"I'm sure she has her uses for you," Ben replied. "And as long as you're useful, I have no problem with keeping you here. If you become a liability, that can change."

Sawyer held his temper – barely. He turned and made his way to the lab where Juliet waited. He crossed the room to where she sat on a stool in front of her computer screen. His arm snaked around her waist and whisked her to him. Before she quite knew what was happening, he was kissing her and she was responding in kind.

As he broke away, she searched his face.

"What was that for?"

"I hate that little bug-eyed bastard."

"Me too. What's that got to do with you distracting me from my work?"

"Nothing. He just. . ." Sawyer leaned in and kissed her again. This time she ran her arms around his neck and relaxed into it. By the time he broke away this time, he looked calmer. Although, she wondered whether her own pupils were dilated like his were. The desire warming in her belly was becoming more and more of a distraction.

"Later," she said though she didn't move out of his arms.

"Later may never come," Sawyer said, moving in on her neck now. His five o'clock shadow scraped at the tender skin on her jaw line. The work she'd been doing seemed less urgent by the second.

He placed a hand on either side of her waist and lifted as she hopped onto the counter. Now his lips were trailing down her neck and along her collarbone. She opened her eyes and tried to focus on why she didn't want this to happen right now. It was getting rather hard to think. She felt a little punch-drunk when he broke contact and stepped away.

"Security cameras?" he queried, his voice ragged.

Juliet blinked a few times and then shook her head to clear it.

"What? Oh. Yeah, there are security cameras in here."

"Later, then," Sawyer said taking her hand to assist her in sliding off the counter.

"Weren't we supposed to be discussing something important?" Juliet asked as she walked to the small sink in the corner of the room where a mirror hung. She straightened her blouse, re-buttoning the top few buttons. Her hair was mussed as well. She opened a cabinet and took out a hairbrush.

"Right. Ben's showing Jack all that surveillance footage. The footage that proves Kate might well be pregnant."

Juliet rolled her eyes. "Ben's a pervert. "

"Yeah," Sawyer agreed. "Among other things. Anyway. He's showing Jack the footage and then he'll throw him back in his cage to stew a while. He'll keep them separated. I think he said he wanted you to take Jack's supper to him so you could stage Act 2."

"You really think this will work?" Juliet asked as she unwound a rubber band from the handle of the hairbrush and gathered her hair in a ponytail at the nape of her neck.

"Uhm, you may not want to do that," Sawyer said.

"Stage Act 2?" she asked.

"No, the ponytail. Your neck."

Juliet stepped closer to the mirror and winced.

"Damn it, James. We're not fifteen." She stripped the rubber band from her hair and went to work with the brush again.

"Sorry. It's just that Ben said. .."

Juliet turned to glare at him.

"For crying out loud. Ben said? If you're letting Ben get to you already, we're in trouble. Don't tell me you were marking your territory. What in the world do I see in you?"

Sawyer stepped closer and dropped his head in feigned shame. "Juvenile of me. Don't know what I was thinking."

"Are you ever going to grow up?" she asked, running her arms around his neck and planting a quick kiss on his cheek as she laid the hairbrush on the edge of the sink.

"Probably not. Not entirely anyway. But I do love you so that's got to count for something."

Juliet sighed. "It counts for quite a bit. It's not actually a hickey is it? I'm way too old for that sort of thing. I just turned thirty-four."

Sawyer lifted her hair and examined her neck. "Nah, it's more or less just beard burn, I think. And you don't look a day over thirty-three."

Juliet swatted him. "Gee, thanks for the compliment."

"Don't mention it," Sawyer said with a wink. He leaned in to whisper something in her ear.

Ben couldn't quite make out the last bit from where watched on the surveillance camera but he was pretty sure he wouldn't have liked it.

Author's note: For the purposes of this story, Ben does not remember what happened the first time around. I hope you'll forgive me for being a bit cruel to Kate in that last scene. But she's been having a lot of fun in this story so far, while everyone else suffered.

PS – Okay I edited to try and take out the worst of the typos. Ugh. . .don't know how I missed all those on the first read-through.


	12. Chapter 12

"Your place on the main island is nicer," Sawyer commented looking around the small dormitory type room at the Hydra.

"I just sleep here," Juliet said as she opened the bag she'd brought along and systematically set the toiletries out on the small chest in the corner of the room.

"Just sleep, huh?" Sawyer said stretching out on the half bed, his long frame taking up most of it.

"I don't like doing this to them," Juliet said half-ignoring him. "We're lying to everybody and if things don't go like we think. It's not fair to them James."

"They left us here to rot, Jules. We're trying to get them off the damn island which is more than they did for us. And then when they came back, no matter how many times we tried to tell them we were happy the way things were, they meddled and meddled until our life was destroyed."

"Our life was already destroyed," Juliet said turning and tears were threatening again.

"Juliet, don't," he said, his brow wrinkling as he watched all the resolve and steel melt away.

"I was fine," she whispered raising a hand as though to keep him at a distance. "I was fine as long as I was busy. As long as I was working in my lab or talking to Kate or even talking to Ben. I was fine and then. . .I just wasn't fine anymore."

She waited for him to throw platitudes at her to try and use words to make it all better, but he didn't. Instead when he finally started speaking his voice was hoarse with grief.

"It was always like that, Juliet. Most mornings we'd wake up and drink our coffee and work a crossword puzzle on the back porch before work. But sometimes I'd see one of the women pushing their kid on a swing or maybe just see the damn swing, and I'd go home and drink tequila until you'd have to call Horace and tell him I wouldn't be at work because I had a migraine. And there was no way to predict it. Nothing you could do about it. It just hit you and then. . ."

He trailed off helplessly and this time she crossed the room and wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders as he let out a heart wrenching sob. She pulled him against her and gently rocked him back and forth.

"We loved her, Juliet. But we got through it and. . ." Sawyer drew a ragged breath. "And there were brighter days. We were going to try again when the time was right."

"But the time never was right," she said softly.

"Maybe the time is right now," he offered, not looking at her. She was still behind him with her arms around him. She looked up into the mirror and the couple she saw there clinging to one another gave her hope.

"Maybe, when we get off the island," she said.

Sawyer raised his head and met her eye in the mirror. "What if we never get off the island? Can you ever be happy again here?"

"I," she faltered. "I don't know."

He turned his head and kissed her white throat gently. It felt natural to her to bend down and meet his lips with hers. Somehow he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her into his lap where the kisses grew hungrier and her hands frantically clutched at his shirt as though she couldn't get close enough to him. As though if she let him go, he might fade away.

He drew back long enough to mutter I love you against her ear and then he lifted her and laid her down on the bed. She never let go of him. She needed to stop thinking about everything that had gone wrong and as she pulled him down on top of her, she trusted him to make thinking impossible.

***

Jack sat in the cage with his back leaned against the bars. There was a small pile of rocks in front of him that he'd systematically gathered from the cage floor and the area immediately surrounding his prison. They weren't large rocks – not big enough to do anyone any real harm so no one had bothered to stop him. Now, he was picking the rocks up one at a time and flinging them as hard as he could against the large red button in the rear of the cage.

Occasionally, he threw one of the larger rocks in his pile with just enough velocity to elicit the "Warning" announcement from the loudspeaker.

Juliet approached the cage and watched him for a moment. She smirked.

"Now, that's productive."

He ignored her and kept flinging his pebbles.

"How much do you remember?" she asked.

No response.

"I take it you remember Kate. And James although you call him Sawyer. And since you used my name in the jungle that day, I'm going to assume you remember me. Do you remember me coming to your tent, Jack?"

Her voice was utterly level with no sign of emotion.

Jack tensed at her words.

"Because I don't remember that, actually. When I talked to Kate just a few minutes ago, she said that she remembers it though – isn't that odd? That Kate remembers following me to your tent and listening outside to see what was going on? I mean, if I'd seen you sneak off to Kate's tent in the middle of the night, I don't think I'd follow. But Kate said it wasn't what she thought. Kate says I didn't go to your tent in the middle of the night for the reason you might think."

Jack's jaw tightened but he still didn't answer. She knelt in front of the cage just behind his left shoulder and spoke to him softly just above a whisper.

"Do you remember what I said, Jack?"

Jack didn't turn to face her, but his voice was bitter and angry.

"Does Sawyer – or I guess you call him James – know you spent the night in my tent?"

Juliet rocked back on her heels slightly. He was bluffing – had to be – she was pretty sure she'd remember if she'd spent the night with Jack. Wouldn't she? But then, she hadn't remembered her own daughter until she'd seen the grave so it was possible she supposed. She'd barely pasted the mask back in place when Jack whirled to glare at her.

"Whose side are you on anyway?" Jack growled.

She didn't answer. She just studied him for a second – they needed him a little angry but it was possible they'd pushed him too far. Damn.

"What matters is that you need my help," she said coolly.

"Your help? You've helped quite enough already," Jack scoffed. "First you marched us to the barracks like prisoners – accused us of killing Sawyer – who wasn't even dead. Then neither of you did anything to stop them from dragging us over here to some kind of island chain gang. Do you have any idea how many times they hit her? How many times he shocked her with that damn taser? Where was your help then? That can't have been good for the baby, now, can it?"

Yep. They'd pushed him too far, she thought. Damn again. She vaguely called up a memory of a room flooding while Jack held a broken plate to her neck.

She maintained her stance for the benefit of the cameras but changed the tone of her voice. The calculation came naturally enough after all these years of practice with Ben. She bit back an appeal for him to be reasonable because that would just make him madder.

"Kate is carrying your child, Jack. Go ahead and yell at me for whatever it is you think I did wrong. We'll forget that you promised to get me off this island. We'll forget that you left me here and would have never come back for me if Ben hadn't forced the issue. We'll forget for a moment that you used me when you thought you'd lost Kate to Sawyer. And I don't know the details of what happened in your tent that night, but you do. And if I spent the night, that's on your conscience – not mine. Because I wasn't the one in love with someone else at the time."

She stopped and blinked rapidly.

Jack gaped at her.

"Sounds like you remember more than you claim," Jack said dryly.

"It comes back in bits and pieces," she said shakily. She shouldn't have tried this. She wasn't ready for it yet. Her control was crumbling, she'd never be able to manipulate Jack into doing what they wanted at this rate.

But actually, it was the failure of that control that got to Jack. For just that moment, she looked human and vulnerable and he remembered a moment long ago when he'd realized she was one of them – one of the ones who only wanted to go home.

"How can you possibly help?" Jack said wearily.

Juliet stared back at him. "What?"

"Kate's pregnant. I remember that night you came to my tent – when you told me pregnant women die on the island. That conception on the island is pretty much lethal. What can you do? If she. . .if she decides to get rid of it will that fix this?"

Juliet recognized the desperation on his face then. Tell me what I can do to save my child – and if that's impossible – let this person I love be okay at least. She remembered that very feeling when she'd sat in that room with Sawyer barely able to stand and her child dying in her arms. Tell me what I can do – I'll do anything. But there had been nothing she could do then – unlike now.

"It's not what I can do. We'll have to work together," she glanced up at the camera and from a room inside the Hydra, Sawyer threw a breaker and the entire security system went dead.

"They're watching?" Jack asked.

"They were – but we've got about four minutes – maybe ten if James is on his game."

"Wait, whose side are you two on – really?"

"We're on our side," she said with her characteristic smirk. "James and I first. Our friends second. And Ben and his precious island dead last."

"I'll buy that," Jack said his face relaxing for the first time. "If you'd said you were putting me and Kate first, I'd have known you were lying."

"We don't have long. Listen, Kate seems pretty sure she got pregnant on the island so her best chance is getting off the island. Before, in that other loop – Sun was okay, right? Once you got her off the island."

"You sure know a lot for someone who only remembers bits and pieces."

"James filled me in – seriously Jack – we don't have much time – Sun was okay?"

"Yes, Sun was okay – the baby was a little early and there were some minor complications but she and the baby were fine."

"Alright, Ben's going to try to manipulate you into doing his surgery like you did before. It's weird – I don't think he entirely remembers how it went down before but he remembers me and James from the 70s or something. Anyway, you've got to agree to do the surgery but make him promise in front of people that he'll let you and Kate go after you do the surgery. Be firm. Ask for guarantees. Negotiate."

"He'll back out. Like he did before when he was supposed to let us go," Jack said, shaking his head. "No matter what I get him to agree to, there's no way he'll let us go.

"Yeah, well. He's like that. He'll find some loophole. That's where James and I come in. We've got your back on this."

"How?"

"If I tell you we're going to wing it, you'll panic, right?"

"You expect me to trust you and Sawyer to just wing it?"

She smiled. "Do you have a better plan?"

"Not really."

"Alright then. Here's the hard part. You can't tell Kate any of this."

"But, I have to. She's scared to death."

"James doesn't think she can pull off the bluff. He thinks she'll give us away. Jack you've got to keep this from her – she can only know what Ben wants her to know."

"She can do it – you have to tell her we have a plan."

"Really? I mean, I don't like it any more than you do but the fact is – James knows her better than anybody. He knows what she's capable of. Do you really think she can pull this off? He said to tell you to remember Roger. I don't remember what that means, but he said you would."

Jack cursed under his breath.

"It's not right. The stress she must be under. What the hell was I thinking putting her in this predicament?"

"I'm sure there wasn't a lot of thinking involved, Jack."

"Is there anything you aren't telling me?"

"I hate to break it to you, Jack. But you'll have to trust me."

"And Sawyer," He said bitterly. "It comes down to trusting Sawyer."

"Funny how things work out, huh?" she said.

***

"Hey, Freckles," Sawyer said casually as he entered the aquarium where they were keeping Kate now.

"Don't call me that," she said dully.

"You prefer Kate then." He picked up the one straight back chair in the room and turned it so that the back of it faced Kate. He straddled the seatback and dropped into it.

"Are you one of them now?" she spat. "Started by sleeping with the enemy and now you're one of them."

Sawyer raised an eyebrow.

"Being pregnant makes you bitchy."

"Being around you makes me bitchy."

He grinned. "Touché."

"What do you want, anyway, Sawyer?"

"Do you trust me, Freckles?"

"I told you not to call me that."

"Do you trust me – KATE?"

"I used to," she said softly and for a moment they both reflected on what might have been if they were different people in a different world. 'You really love her, don't you? Juliet. Even though she's one of them."

"I love her," Sawyer agreed softly. "We've been through things together that you'd never understand – she's been there for me – she's had my back. And she's not really one of them – not deep down. You and me – we burned too hot to last."

Kate bit her lower lip and dropped her head.

"But it was fun while it lasted," she said when she looked up.

"Hell yeah, it was fun while it lasted," he smiled back. "Friends?"

"Friends," she agreed. "But Jack hates your guts."

"Feeling's mutual."

"Why are you here Sawyer?"

"To remind you that you can trust me. But you shouldn't believe everything you hear. Alright?"

Kate considered for a moment.

"Alright."

Their eyes locked in understanding.

"So, you really do love him, don't you?" Sawyer said casually as he rose.

"Yeah, even though he can be a colossal ass at times, I love him to pieces," Kate replied. "I was always with him – even when I was with you."

"You are the most insane woman, I've ever known, Freckles. And I've known some crazy women."

"Can I tell Juliet you implied she was almost as crazy as I am?"

"Can I tell Jack you said he's a colossal ass?"

They both laughed.

"You got lousy taste in men, Freckles," he said as he turned to go.

"Really? You've always had excellent taste in women," she said smiling.

"Touché." He said again as he pulled the cell door closed.

***

Sawyer stood in the hall outside Kate's cell door and checked his watch – seven minutes – surely Juliet had managed to say everything she needed to in seven minutes.

He saw Ben turn the corner and slipped back into the cell and crossed quickly to Kate. He grabbed her arm and jerked her to standing.

"I'm sorry about this," he said quickly as he listened for Ben's footsteps.

"For what?" she asked bewildered.

"For this," he muttered and jerked her against him and kissed her. Ben burst through the cell door just as she jerked away from him and slapped him hard across the face.

Sawyer rubbed his jaw.

Ben looked back and forth between them coldly. "I lost the security feed," he said.

"Oh, uh, that," Sawyer hurried out of the room and next door to the electrical room. He hurried inside and threw the switch that powered the security system. "Listen, Ben. What you saw back there – it wasn't what you think. It was a mistake – there's no reason for Juliet to know."

Ben looked at him hard.

"And why shouldn't I tell her?"

"Look, I was confused. There's all these memories spinning around – things that don't line up – don't make sense. Don't tell Juliet – I'll do anything you want."

Ben's eyes bored into Sawyer's.

"When the time comes for them to leave, it would be a real shame if the sub was blown up just before that happened. Wouldn't it?"

Sawyer looked away.

"I won't hurt her. Kate. Anything but that."

Ben shook his head in disgust.

"Before they get on the sub – you don't have to hurt anybody. In fact I'm not asking you to do anything. I'm just saying that the next chance I get to tell Juliet what I just saw would be about the time Jack and Kate are leaving. And if something happened to distract me, I'd probably forget to tell her."

Sawyer took a moment to consider.

"Just don't tell her, alright? She couldn't handle it right now."

Ben watched walk away down the hall in the direction of the lab.

"Tigers never change their stripes," Ben muttered under his breath.

***

Back in their room that night, Juliet lay staring at the ceiling with Sawyer's arm wrapped tightly around her waist.

"So, your part went okay?" Sawyer asked breathing in her scent. He'd missed this – falling asleep with her in his arms.

"Like clockwork," she said, relaxing against him. "And yours?"

"He bought it hook, line, and sinker," Sawyer said pressing a kiss into her hair.

"And did you feel anything when you did it? When you kissed her?" Juliet didn't realize that she was holding her breath but Sawyer could feel the stillness in her ribcage as she stopped breathing.

"She's a good kisser," Sawyer said easily. "You should probably be worried. I mean, why would I want to spend the rest of my life with the woman I love when I could have a lifetime of misery with a crazy woman whose in love with Jack Shepherd."

Juliet rolled over and jerked the pillow from under his head and pounded him with it.

"Ouch," he said, laughing.

"That wasn't funny," she said, pounding him again with the pillow.

"Jealousy doesn't become you Blondie," he said. "I'd show you how much I love you but I'm an old man and our little lunch break took a lot out of me."

Juliet turned sat up and studied his features in the faint glow from the moonlight outside the window.

"Does this plan require any more kissing?" she asked.

"You can kiss Jack one time if we really need another distraction. Although, it makes me kind of nauseous to think about it."

"And how am I supposed to feel about. . ."

"Oh hell," he said, sitting up and rolling her underneath him. He pushed her hair back from her face and bent to kiss her.

"What was that for?"

"Comparison. You're a much better kisser than Kate. Happy?"

"A little bit happy."

His hand found the edge of her nightgown and slipped underneath.

"Happy now?"

"A little happier still."

"What's it going to take to make you happy, Dr. Burke?"

"Oh, I think you're moving in the right general direction for happy making, Mr. Ford."

He pulled the covers over them and concentrated on making her a happy woman indeed.

***

"So," he said the next morning as they got dressed. "I wanted to say I was sorry."

"For what," Juliet said, surprised.

"For not coming up with a better distraction."

"Yeah, well. It's done now. And it worked like a charm," she clutched the hairbrush against her chest. She wanted to run just then – to tell him he could have Kate if he wanted her – but look where that had gotten them before.

"It is done, you know. Me and Kate. It's over," he said, gripping her arms and turning her to him. He tilted her chin up so she'd look at him. "If I had any doubts left, I don't now. Okay?"

"Okay," she said softly. "But don't kiss her anymore, alright?"

"I won't. Promise. If this plan hurt you, even a little it's not worth it." He kissed Juliet's forehead. "When she left, I missed her. But when I thought I lost you – damn Juliet – when I lost you I couldn't even breathe."

Juliet let him hold her then. And if she'd had any doubts left, she didn't now either.


	13. Chapter 13

_Author's note: Thanks for all your reviews and the story alerts! Always a treat to open my e-mail and see those! There are a few more chapters left – somewhere between 3 and 6 I think. The problem is that I have more fun writing filler than I do advancing the plot so it keeps stretching out. _

_***_

The knocking penetrated the pillow that Juliet had pulled over her head to block out the noise when Sawyer went to take a shower. Never a morning person, she burrowed deeper underneath the blankets hoping that Sawyer would come out and deal with whoever it was.

The knocking continued, shaking the door and sounding like it might knock it down. She sighed and pushed the pillow aside. The shower was still running so it seemed unlikely her knight sans armor would come to her rescue. She pushed aside the covers and stood up unsteadily. Why was it that some people seemed to feel human when they woke up and she always just felt like she'd been run over with a Mack truck?

She rummaged around on the floor and came up with a man's shirt instead of her nightgown. She blinked in the weak morning light and tried to get her bearings but the pounding on the door increased in volume and force if that was possible. Resigned to facing the day, Juliet pulled the flannel shirt on and hastily buttoned it. She finally remembered that her clothes were still in her bag and she fished in there for sweatpants which she pulled on just as the shower stopped.

"Hey babe, you going to get that?" Sawyer called.

"Got it," she called back as she turned the deadbolt and pulled the door open.

"Am I interrupting something?" Ben asked coolly.

"Sleep. You're interrupting some quality sleep," she said matching the frost in his voice.

"Shepherd's agreed to do the surgery. He says it can't wait – that it should have happened yesterday. He wants you to assist."

"I'm not a surgeon. Get Ethan."

"Ethan's dead."

"Wha?"

"I sent him to the beach camp remember? He found another pregnant survivor and he was bringing her back to us. That has-been rock star shot him."

"How's Amelia?"

"Her son's dead. How do you think she is?"

"I should go to her."

"No. She has people with her. Shepherd needs someone to assist in the surgery and that leaves you. Goodwin will handle anesthesia."

"Great."

"Does he know yet? About your redneck?"

"It's not a secret, Ben. I'm sure there was someone who couldn't wait to run tell him. But it doesn't matter. We broke up before James got back."

"Well, isn't that convenient," Ben said drily. "Be at the operating room at ten o'clock sharp. Send your redneck to guard the fugitive."

"His name is James."

"Right. Tell your redneck to relieve Tom as soon as he can."

Juliet pushed the door shut firmly before Ben had time to step away. She didn't precisely slam it in his face but it was close.

"Ben?" Sawyer stepped into the room wearing jeans that he hadn't gotten around to buttoning just yet. He was drying his hair with a pink towel and she couldn't help but smile. "What?"

"You're cute," she said with a grin. She stretched onto her tiptoes and kissed him lightly on the lips.

"That was Ben, right?" he said tossing the towel in the general direction of the dirty clothes basket. He missed but he didn't seem concerned. Some things never changed, she supposed.

"Jack's operating today. I'm to be in the operating room in an hour and you're to guard Kate."

"She's locked in an aquarium. Why does she need guarding?"

"Good question," Juliet said. "I assume he has a reason. Possibly, he's trying to get you in a compromising position so he can hold it over your head."

"He's already caught me in a compromising position. That was the whole point of the little play we put on yesterday."

"Half the point. The other point was to be sure she understood what I was telling her that first day. Did she?"

"Pretty sure she did. If it weren't for all these damn security cameras everywhere, we wouldn't be constantly having to lie to the people who are on our side and try to figure out if they got the wink."

"Yeah, well. If it all goes wrong, just remember. . ." she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close.

"You've got my back?" he asked leaning down to kiss her good morning. He pretended he didn't notice her morning breath.

"Well, I do. But that's not what I was going to say," she said sliding her hands down and splaying her fingers across his bare chest. He really was delicious.

"If it all goes wrong, what?" he said contemplating whether or not he had time to follow her into the shower before he went off to engage in another day of deception and deceit.

"If it all goes, wrong," she said, letting her hands trail down his muscular abs and hooking her fingers through the beltloops of the unfastened jeans. "If it all goes wrong, it was your idea. You'll be wanting to make that up to me. You can start now."

A lecherous grin spread across his face as he let her lead him into the bathroom by his increasingly tight Levis. If she thought they had time, he supposed she was the genius, right?

***

Sawyer stood outside the door to Kate's cell with a rifle when he figured out why they'd wanted him to guard the door. Jack Shepherd was stumbling in his direction dressed in Dharma scrubs with a canvas bag over his head.

"Let him in," Tom growled.

"What's this about?" Sawyer asked.

"Says he'll do the surgery as soon as he sees her. Soon as he knows she's okay. So, let him in." Tom said.

Sawyer tried to think through how many ways this could go wrong. Jack and Kate together could make trouble trying to sell Girl Scout cookies, he figured, but there didn't seem to be any way around this short of bringing Tom in on the plan and he had a deep-rooted distrust of Tom so that wasn't happening.

He swung the door open and Tom shoved Jack inside. Kate scrambled to her feet from where she'd been slouched on the other side of the makeshift cell just as Sawyer grasped the bag and pulled it off Jack's head.

"Jack," Kate said through tears as she crossed the room – her arms wide as though to throw them around Jack's neck. Until, she went straight past him and kicked Tom's feet out from under him sending him sprawling.

"Sonuvabitch," Sawyer muttered as he watched his carefully constructed plan begin to unravel in front of his eyes.

"James, stop them," Tom yelled.

Sawyer shook his head and lifted the butt of the rifle. Tom's surprise was evident when he brought it down squarely on Tom's head.

"Let's go," Kate said frantically.

"Hang on a minute," Sawyer said placing a hand on her arm to restrain her. "I thought you understood what we were doing here."

"I understand that I'm not pregnant," she said. "Beyond that, all I know is that you and Juliet think you've got all this under control."

"Wait," Jack said slowly, pausing in his endeavor to work the rope loose from his wrists. "You're not?"

"No, Juliet came in here and heavily hinted that they could get us out of here if I went along with the idea that I got pregnant here on the island. So, I played along. Which has become increasingly difficult to do as of about eleven o'clock last night. The jig's about to be up so I thought I'd better take action."

"You're not pregnant," Jack repeated with an odd mixture of relief and disappointment playing across his features.

"She just said that, Jackass. Today was the day, Kate. If you could have just held out a few more hours, we'd have had you on a sub on the way home."

"Where have I heard that before?" Kate said, glaring at Jack.

"You're not pregnant,' Jack said yet again, this time relaxing. "Could somebody untie me?"

"Yes" "No" Kate and Sawyer respectively said at the exact same time.

"We can't untie him without them figuring out that something's up," Sawyer said. "We've got to play this out. It'll work. You've just got to be patient. Besides, I ain't leaving without Juliet and you ain't got anyway out of here without me."

Jack seemed about to argue but thought better of it.

"You're okay?" he asked Kate, who this time really did wrap her arms around his neck and plunder his mouth with her own.

"You do realize there's someone else in the room, right?" Sawyer said after the second hand on his watch had gone round at least twice.

Kate broke away, her lips swollen from the kiss. Jack's eyes were unfocused as he stumbled a bit to maintain his balance. "Can you get them to put me somewhere else? And maybe access to a shower?"

"If you're done making out, the first priority is to get Jack to the operating room before they figure out something's up. Then, I'll see what I can do. We'll have to pretend. Damn."

"What?"

"Ben may be under the impression that you and I are entertaining each other in your cell from time to time," Sawyer said to Kate.

"How would an idea like that get into his head?" Jack asked, his eyes narrowing.

"Probably, because I put it there. I need him to think he's got something to hold over my head. I also needed him to think he knew the reason that I killed the security feed yesterday. It may work to our advantage though. It'll give me an excuse to get you out of your cell and into one of the bedrooms."

"I don't think I like this plan," Jack said.

"I ain't crazy about it myself, doc. But the original plan is sort of shot to hell at this point if we don't do some damage control."

"It'll be okay," Kate said, cupping Jack's face in her hand. "He's not into me anymore."

"What makes you so sure?" Jack asked, concern wrinkling his brow.

"Because Juliet had a lab result for somebody's hormone levels that showed they might have gotten pregnant in the last few days. And the only women in this building are me. . .and her."

Jack's eyes widened.

"Not definitely pregnant," Sawyer said, although he couldn't suppress a slight grin. "Just maybe. Too early to be sure. Too many things that could go wrong. All that jazz. Listen, the point is that we've got a damn good reason to get off this island and you're our ticket out of here so we damn sure want to rescue you too. But you got to play along. It's a solid plan. You in?"

Jack shook his head trying to soak in all the information that had just been thrown at him.

"Am I really supposed to remove Ben's tumor?"

"If things go smoothly, then yeah. He'll let you get to the sub if you remove the tumor. He thinks he's got an ace in the hole. It's my job to blow the damn thing up before you get on it."

"Like Locke did before?"

"That's right."

"Except, you've got a very good reason to want that sub intact," Jack said nodding. "Let's do it."

Kate picked up the canvas bag from the floor and brushed her lips against Jack's cheek before she slid it back in place.

"Don't leave me behind," she whispered.

"Oh, I can't seem to get rid of you for the life of me," Sawyer said shaking his head. "You're worse than a tick."

Kate scowled when Jack chuckled under the canvas, but Sawyer had already tossed her Tom's gun and locked the door behind him.


	14. Chapter 14

Juliet washed her hands. Again. Damn, this was nerve-wracking. The whole damn thing depended on people that she didn't quite trust and didn't even entirely remember. She looked down and saw the blood leak from the crack in her knuckle from the prolonged scrubbing. Clean enough then.

She turned and allowed Goodwin to drape the sterile towel over her hands. The look he was bestowing on her was not entirely friendly.

"Well, that was fast," he said with a sneer.

"What was fast?" she kept her voice even and cool with an effort.

"Already in bed with one of them?"

"I'm not married, I'm free to do as I please," she said turning indifferently. He gripped her shoulder and spun her back around. He didn't let go and the sharp pain in her shoulder shot down her arm. The shoulder had been a trial to her for a long time though she couldn't remember the initial injury. It was prone to being dislocated and aching in the night. X-rays had shown that the tendons and ligaments were stretched as thought that shoulder alone had supported all of her weight and more for some time. She held her breath and attempted to maintain her composure.

"So, we're done then," Good win said icily.

"Oh yeah, you made that pretty clear before," Juliet said through clenched teeth.

The door swung open and Jack stepped through with Sawyer as escort. He took in the scene and dropped Jack's arm to press the gun against Goodwin's throat.

"Take your hands off of her."

Goodwin didn't grace Sawyer with a glance. He released his grasp and pushed through the swinging door into the operating room. Sawyer placed a hand under Juliet's elbow – her hands were still poised in the air with the sterile towel draped over them.

"Did he hurt you?"

She shook her head and blinked back tears.

"I thought Tom was bringing him."

"Change of plans," Sawyer said remembering his prisoner. He leaned the rifle against the wall and unbound Jack's hands then removed the sack from his head. "Better get back downstairs. You won't try anything funny?"

Jack rubbed at his wrists and proceed to the sink to wash.

"Do the surgery and get Kate out of here. Those are my only priorities."

Sawyer and Jack locked eyes and Juliet picked up on the tension in the room.

"Right, well. Let's do this," she said taking a deep breath and following Goodwin into the O.R. Sawyer waited until Pickett came to relieve him and then he made his way back to the aquarium hoping nothing else would go wrong.

When Sawyer pushed open the cell door, he came face to face with a gun aimed at his nose.

"On your side, remember?" he said to Kate who lowered the gun back to the unconscious Tom.

"He shot you," Kate said as he pushed the door shut. "The other time. He shot you."

"And I shot him dead," Sawyer returned.

"I didn't know that."

"Well, now you do. I'd say we're pretty much even." Sawyer held up the rope that he'd removed from Jack's wrists. "I say we tie him up and leave him here for somebody to find."

"What they do to him might be worse than killing," Kate said biting her lower lip.

"Possibly," Sawyer agreed. "But we'll leave him to them since he hasn't done us any harm this time around."

Sawyer knelt and tied Tom's hands. Then he ripped the sleeve out of Tom's shirt and bound his mouth.

"Is he?" Kate said hesitantly.

"Dead already?" Sawyer said, rising to his feet. "No. Not yet. At least he's got a chance."

When he was satisfied that Tom was secure, he opened the door and gestured for Kate to follow him. The hallway was dim and had a musty odor that made Kate think of the basement in her childhood home. She'd hated that basement although not nearly as much as she hated this place.

Sawyer pushed open a door on the left of the hallway and she followed him inside. There was a cot and a nightstand in the room and through a door she could see a small bathroom. Sawyer fished in the nightstand and tossed her a pair of coveralls.

"Toiletries in the medicine cabinet," he said as he closed the hallway door and slid the deadbolt into place. "Shower, change whatever."

He began unbuttoning his shirt.

"What are you doing?" she asked, alarmed.

"Making it look good. A good con is in the. . ."

"Details." She finished the thought for him with an odd smile. "Rumple the bed."

"Right," he agreed as she closed the bathroom door and turned on the shower. After he'd done his best to make it look like they'd come here for a quick tryst, he settled back on the bed and propped his feet one on top of the other. Might as well, rest his eyes a minute.

***

Jack had barely closed Ben's incision when Goodwin stepped up behind him and pressed a hypodermic needle into the back of his neck.

Juliet's eyes widened.

"What are you doing?" she asked backing away as Jack crumpled to the floor.

"Making sure we've still got a doctor when Ben wakes up," Goodwin said.

"But Ben said he'd let them go," Juliet began before she realized that she and Goodwin weren't necessarily playing for the same team any more.

"Ben'll do what Ben wants to do. . .when he's awake. Til then."

Juliet watched helplessly, as Goodwin drug Jack away. So much for the plan.

***

Sawyer woke up to the sound of the alarm and cursed under his breath.

Damn it. They'd realized Kate was gone. He stood up and jerked the door open as he heard the shower stop. Juliet rounded the corner into the hallway as Pickett approached from the other direction. Both of them stormed toward him where he stood in the doorway with his shirt unbuttoned and his hair mussed from his nap. As they got to the room, Pickett shoved him back inside and Juliet followed.

Kate stood in the room with her hair damp still wrapped in a towel. Pickett looked from Sawyer to Kate and leered.

The color faded from Juliet's face. Sawyer realized that he hadn't had a chance to update her on the change to their plan. Here he stood half dressed in a room with a bed and a half-naked woman who'd always made Juliet feel insecure and . . .

He didn't see it coming. Juliet had a mean right hook. If he hadn't blacked out as a result of it, he'd have gotten to watch her use it on Kate as well.

***

When Sawyer opened his eyes this time, he saw bars overhead. And blue sky.

"Warning," he heard from the cage across the clearing. So he was in the other cage this time. He slowly got to his feet and rubbed his jaw. Damn. Damn. Damn.

"So much for your big plan," Kate spat from her seat in the cage across the way.

"Part of the plan," Sawyer bluffed.

"Juliet didn't look like it was part of the plan. Juliet looked like her heart was broken – I know the look – I've been there."

Sawyer pressed his hands against his face then slid them up and back through his hair. How did he manage to hurt her over and over again when all he really wanted was to keep her safe?

"It could still work," Sawyer said half-heartedly.

"Could," Kate agreed. "But not likely."

"Great."

"So how do you get the damn fishbiscuits?" Kate asked eyeing the contraption that was in her cage warily.

"It helps if you're a bear," Sawyer said before dropping to the floor of his cage. He was completely out of ideas.

***

Make it look good. That was the thought in Juliet's mind when she realized Pickett had seen Sawyer before she had. The color drained from her face as she realized that something must have gone wrong with the plan. Sawyer wasn't supposed to be the one to bring Jack to the operating room. Sawyer sure as hell wasn't supposed to be standing in the hall half-naked.

So, that meant he was improvising.

When she entered the room and saw Kate covered only in one of the skimpy Dharma Initiative bath towels, she felt her blood boiling that he couldn't seem to ever improvise anything that didn't involve him seeing a lot more of Kate than Juliet would like.

So, it really wasn't that hard to make it look good. She just pulled back her fist and let it connect with his jaw. And frankly, she'd been thinking Kate needed someone to knock some sense into her ever sense they'd shown up here so that part – she made that part look even better.

But today, she was sitting alone in her room trying to figure out how to salvage the plan and she'd have given anything to have Sawyer to bounce her ideas off of. She trusted him. The thought made her pause. Somehow she'd gone from being very insecure about the thought of Kate's presence in Sawyer's life to being utterly sure that nothing had happened between them in that room despite their varying states of undress. Progress, she told herself.

She pulled out her copy of Carrie and began to scribble in the back cover. It was as good a place as any to plan her strategy.

***

Sawyer missed Ben. Well, he didn't miss Ben per se but he missed Ben being in charge. Ben had made sure that his prisoners were fed on a regular schedule – not well but on a regular schedule. For the last week, he and Kate had been making do with those stupid fish biscuits. Juliet stopped by once a day to leave them both water. She didn't say a single word while she was there – her expression was ice cold.

It nearly killed him. But he didn't say anything either. Wasn't sure what to say.

Was it really only a week ago that he'd thought they might be able to reclaim what they'd had in that other lifetime? When it had seemed to be at his fingertips? It seemed very far away now.

And it was his fault. He brought her pain over and over again. So, when she came to bring the water, he couldn't even bring himself to meet her eye.

***

"You shouldn't be standing," Jack was saying to Ben.

"I feel fine," Ben said with that creepy smile that somehow made him look less human instead of moreso. "Good as new."

Juliet snorted with her arms crossed over her chest. _She_ didn't feel good as new. She felt a little nauseous – it was all the tension she told herself. All this tension and unpleasantness.

"Well, if you're good as new. I've done my part," Jack said. "I want to see her."

"You _still_ want to see her?" Ben questioned. "She betrayed you."

He seemed to be making this statement as much to Juliet as to Jack. Juliet looked at the floor not trusting herself to mask her emotions.

Jack didn't flinch. "You said that you'd let me take Kate away from here if I fixed you. You're fixed. So, send us home. Like you promised."

Ben was silent for a moment considering. "Very well. Juliet, my cane."

***

The sun was setting when Pickett arrived at Sawyer's cage. He placed the key in the lock and turned it. Sawyer didn't bother to fight – wasn't sure if he had anything left to fight for.

"They're letting them go," Pickett said. "Ben says you know what to do. This is your one chance so don't blow it. It's not a matter of keeping your secret any more. Ben said he'd keep you around as long as you're useful. You're not so useful to Juliet anymore so you'd better show Ben that you're useful to him."

Sawyer nodded. If all else fails, he thought to himself, blow something the hell up. Ain't that what we always do?

***

Author's note: Sort of a transitional chapter. Either two short or one long chapter and an epilogue to go. . .thanks so much for reading and reviewing. You guys are great!


	15. Chapter 15

_Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews!! This isn't really a chapter in its own right, but I decided to post it as such. When you've read it, you'll probably be glad that I kept this one short. _

_***_

It was weird, Jack thought. Same room. Different perspective.

He was in the aquarium waiting for Kate to be brought to him. The first time he'd been here he'd assumed they were all out to get him – that they were all inherently evil and up to no good. Meeting Juliet had changed that for him before and this time around he'd retained those memories. He ran his hand over the top of his short-cropped dark hair and tried to figure out what Ben's angle was on this. There was no way he'd willingly let them go. Especially, if he had even an inkling that Juliet planned to leave with them.

Juliet had been a closed book to him for the last week as well. They'd never forged the connection they'd had the first time he crashed on the island. But even without that, he'd been able to read her at least a little before the surgery. That was gone now. She was every inch the ice queen and for the life of him he couldn't decide whether she was still working the con or whether she really wanted to kill Sawyer with her bare hands.

Actually, either way was okay with Jack. Well, maybe he didn't want Sawyer dead but he wouldn't mind if Juliet did him a little bodily harm. The supposed betrayal smacked of a con to him. Even Sawyer and Kate could surely keep their hands off each other at such a crucial point in the plan. No, Jack thought that Sawyer had returned to this room to find an unconscious guard and Kate in full PMS mode. . .or actually no 'pre' to it. She'd said she was definitely not pregnant.

Wouldn't catch him putting a gun in Kate's hand this time of the month but then Sawyer had never actually lived with her, had he?

He was a little disappointed that she wasn't pregnant if he allowed himself to think about it. Not that it was a good time for a baby or that the two of them had worked through nearly enough of their baggage to bring a baby into it. . .but a baby would have been. . .well, nice. A baby with her green eyes maybe. Maybe a little boy that he could play catch with like his father had never had time for.

Thinking of babies reminded him of the first time he left the island. Some part of him had been terrified that Kate would turn up pregnant with Sawyer's baby. How the hell would they have ever explained that? With her supposedly six months pregnant at the time of the crash. Even if he'd claimed to be the father, he would have looked like something of a monster.

And that wasn't the only potential baby he'd tormented himself with. There was that one damn night in his tent with Juliet. One minute she'd been telling him that pregnant women died on the island and he'd been wondering if there was a woman alive who hadn't lied to him. And then, just as she'd been about to leave, he'd caught her hand and pulled her back for a kiss. And the kiss had turned into something else. And before sunrise, he'd been asking her if she was on the pill and she'd snapped that she was a fertility expert for crying out loud. It hadn't been long after that that she'd told Kate about the kiss (thankfully, she'd only mentioned the kiss part) and things had been over between them.

Back on the mainland he'd woken up more than once in a cold sweat – worried that he'd gotten Juliet pregnant and she'd died as a result. But it hadn't happened. Thank goodness.

Of course, she'd been a fertility expert when she and Sawyer had their baby too. So, he supposed that hadn't been entirely accidental. A child they both wanted then. That made it even sadder. And here she was, as Sawyer had said, maybe pregnant again. So, that probably wasn't any accident either.

Where the hell were they?

He stood up and began to pace his cell. This time around his situation wasn't any less weird despite having more knowledge. He was ready to pull his hair out by the roots when the door swung in and Juliet stepped through. . . alone.

"Where's Kate?"

"Ben's stalling," Juliet said drily. "I mean, Ben's letting Kate get cleaned up and dressed in her own clothes."

"He'll really let us go?"

Juliet snorted. "Like hell, he will. Be ready to improvise."

"That what Sawyer was doing? Improvising?"

"Well, we'll try to improvise while both remaining fully clothed. Think you can handle it?"

"I think it'd be only fair if our improvising included you being naked and wrapped in a towel," Jack said without cracking a smile.

Juliet's veneer cracked.

"In your dreams, Shepherd."

"Nothing I haven't seen before," Jack returned.

"Then why don't I remember it?" Juliet asked, deadpan.

"I'm sorry, by the way."

"That it was so forgettable?" she smirked.

Jack grinned and shook his head. "That I didn't do what I promised. That I didn't get you off the island."

"Oh, that," Juliet said looking down. "It worked out okay. Mostly. Not nearly as pissed off that you left us as that you waited so long to come back."

"Why's that?"

"Because I. . .I used to think that if you'd come back my daughter wouldn't have died. I used to think that if you'd come back a little sooner, you'd have taken me and Sawyer and our little girl away from all this before the bad stuff happened."

"You don't think that any more?"

"I think," Juliet sighed with a tear in her eye. "That whatever happened. Happened. And we have to accept it and move on. Some things can't be fixed – even in a world with time travel."

She sank down onto the chair Jack had vacated and he moved closer and touched her shoulder.

"There's probably not a thing I can say to make it better," he began.

"Not a thing."

"You don't really think he betrayed you?"

Juliet looked up with a harsh bark of a laugh. "No, I don't think he betrayed me. I don't think he minded seeing Kate half-naked. But I don't think he laid a hand on her as a matter of fact. He's got baby-fever. It's ridiculous."

"Sawyer has baby fever? I thought that was something only women got."

"Yeah, well. You didn't know him when Jamie was alive. He was absolutely wrapped around her little tiny pinky finger. He wants that back."

"And you? Do you want that back?"

Juliet smiled through tears. "More than anything. But I'm too scared."

Jack hesitated. "He mentioned that you might be pregnant. Now, I mean."

"Yeah, well. He talks too much."

"I always thought so," Jack tried to lighten his tone.

Juliet looked away until she could compose herself.

"He thinks that I think that he betrayed me though," Juliet said with a roll of her eye when she was herself again. "He's been slouching around that cage like a kicked puppy dog for a solid week. Some con man that can't tell when he's being conned."

Jack laughed.

"So," he said. "What happens next?"

"Well, in theory, Sawyer blows up the sub while we all watch and Ben gloats. If Sawyer doesn't blow up the sub, that should piss Ben off enough to give us an opening."

"So, we're going to wing it," Jack said with a grimace.

"That's about the size of it," Juliet agreed. A mischievous look found its way onto her face.

"I suppose it wasn't very good, huh?"

"What?" Jack asked.

"The sex. Must not have been all that great."

"What makes you say that?" Jack said, surprised.

"Well, if it had been all that great I'm assuming you wouldn't have left me behind on this godforsaken island."

Jack sputtered. "You don't know if it was or not. You don't even remember it."

Juliet smirked. "Exactly."


	16. Chapter 16

The metal in the walls of the underwater Hydra station groaned against some change in pressure in the outside world. A reminder that the world was a big place and they were but cogs in a much larger machine. Ben was slow in bringing Kate and that was nerve wracking.

"So, if you and Sawyer ever get off this island, what next?" Jack asked to break the tension.

"I don't know. My memories are coming back in bits and pieces. I'm a pretty good mechanic. And my undergrad was in accounting actually. And of course there's my medical license."

"Is there anything you don't know how to do, Juliet?" Jack's tone was ironic.

"Get off this island, apparently," she quipped back. "I'm more worried about how James will adjust to life away from the island. He's sort of made for it, you know? Back there," she shrugged. "I worry a little."

"A destination in mind?" Jack asked, choosing to ignore this window into Juliet's relationship with Sawyer.

"Miami," she smiled. "My sister and nephew are in Miami. I've never seen him."

There was a light in her eyes when she spoke of Miami that made Jack smile too. Yeah, Juliet and Sawyer would be okay if they could just get away from here, he thought. The 'if' growing larger and larger in his mind by the minute.

"I have a sister, apparently," Jack said suprising even himself. "Well, a half-sister. My dad was Claire Littleton's dad. Not that we ever knew it until he was dead."

Juliet raised an eyebrow. "Claire Littleton. Claire who was on the plane?"

"Yeah. Crazy huh? In that other timeline, Kate and I were raising her son because she didn't make it off the island."

Juliet's brow furrowed. "Because James lost her." She hurried to correct herself. "Well, he didn't actually lose her – she wandered off but he always felt like he lost her."

"Your memory seems pretty complete to me," Jack said narrowing his eye. "You sure you don't remember?"

Juliet winked at him. "Memory of all men other than James seems to have vanished from my mind."

"I hate that guy," Jack muttered.

Juliet laughed then sobered at the sound of approaching foot steps. The click of Ben's cane on the concrete floor was distinctive. "Be ready."

The door opened and Ben stepped through. Behind him Tom and Pickett stood on either side of Kate gripping her arms. Tom gave her a little shove as they entered and she stumbled slightly. Jack reached to steady her and she wrapped her arms around him.

Juliet hadn't been lying when she'd said they were letting Kate get cleaned up. She wore her own clothes – a pair of jeans and a simple blue t-shirt that had been washed and dried. Jack could smell the detergent – Dharma mountain fresh, he supposed. Her hair was almost dry and it smelled clean like rain – a leather band gathered her tresses at the nape of her neck contributing to that look of fresh-faced innocence that had aided her so well in her years as a fugitive. As he pressed his face into her neck and took in her scent, he felt like he was coming home already. God, he loved this woman.

Juliet cleared her throat and they parted. She gave Jack a warning glance. Be ready.

"This way," Ben said in clipped tones and they followed. Jack and Kate locked hands like children on a schoolyard and Juliet carried her weapon cradled in her arms. It was pointed in the general direction of Jack and Kate. Tom and Pickett looked more deadly – finger on trigger, looking for a fight.

The boat docked at the Hydra was vaguely familiar to Jack. He chased the memories of that other timeline and pinned it down. This was the boat that took them back to the main island after Ben's surgery before. Ben had recovered more slowly that time and he smiled inwardly that he was to blame for that.

Ben stopped their little procession before they got to the boat, and pointed to the left of it. A small rubber raft was anchored there.

"You call that keeping your word?" Jack snapped when he caught sight of it.

"You'll need the submarine to get back to the mainland," Ben said as though explaining to the village idiot. "The raft gets you to the sub. It's too shallow here. Go ahead, get in."

Jack lowered himself into the raft wondering when this was going to go wrong. He had a sneaking suspicion that if Sawyer didn't blow the sub Tom and Pickett would just shoot he and Kate first and then blow a hole in the rubber raft to sink their bodies to the bottom of the ocean. He looked back at Tom and Pickett and saw something in their eyes he didn't like.

He had just raised his hands to reach for Kate when a deafening blast rocked the water and the tiny raft. He was thrown off his feet and over the side into the boiling deep. It was unexpected and he swallowed the salty water before he knew what was happening. He fought for the surface but was knocked against the undersupports of the dock hard enough to disorient him. He shook his head and his lungs burned as they screamed for oxygen. He was drowning – which seemed impossible – he could swim, but the water was buffeting him about like a rag doll.

He made one last feeble effort to reach the surface before he blacked out.

***

Kate screamed when the explosion rocked the planks on which she stood. Water was blown sky high and her eyes were on Jack's face as he was knocked off his feet and into the churning blue. She bent to dive in after him but she found herself restrained by someone's arms. She fought against them, the tears streaming down her face as she watched Jack bob to the surface and then be sucked back under.

She turned to Juliet for help but Juliet was made of stone in that instant. White marble, Kate thought incongruously. Then she saw the tear trickle from Juliet's eye and realized that no one was really made of stone or ice or any of the other metaphors she'd ever thought of in conjunction with Juliet. Sawyer wasn't supposed to blow the sub – it was Juliet's way home too. What the hell was he thinking?

***

Jack's eyes popped open as the oxygen hit his lungs. He sputtered and coughed though he was still underwater he realized. The regulator was firmly pressed into his mouth and Sawyer's hand was holding it there.

Realizing Jack was alert, Sawyer took the regulator back and inhaled before passing it back to Jack. He pointed up to the surface and then placed his finger over his mouth in the universal symbol – for keep your damn mouth shut.

The water still churned around them and the sound masked that of the two men surfacing under the dock. Jack gasped for breath and Sawyer supported his weight while he found it.

Above deck, they could hear the sound of a woman sobbing and Jack made as if to head in that direction but Sawyer grabbed his wrist and shook his head vehemently. He leaned close to Jack's ear and spoke in hushed tones, praying that Kate histrionics would mask his whispers.

***

_They knew each other. You didn't live side by side with someone for three years without knowing them inside and out. Not if you cared at all and certainly not if you loved them. They knew each other._

_And Juliet knew, even when it seemed like the plan and the world were falling apart around her that Sawyer wouldn't blow up that sub. She realized in that instant that the kicked puppy performance in the cage was all an act. He'd realized she was still working the con – maybe had moments of doubt – but he'd known._

_And that was why he could never look at her when she brought the water. Because if he'd looked into her eyes, anybody that wasn't blind would have been able to see it written on their faces. _

_Trust._

_***_

The light between the boards of the dock cut a striped pattern across Sawyer and Jack as they treaded water waiting for their chance. Sawyer motioned toward the ladders up either side of the deck and they slowly made their way toward them – one to the right and one to the left.

And when their signal came they were ready.

***

Kate's eyes were still on Juliet's face – watching the tear as it tracked down her cheek. And for a second she didn't catch it. So, Juliet glanced at Ben and then winked again. Kate looked right and left and found her guards hadn't relaxed in the slightest. Tom had a gun pointed at her left temple and Pickett was gripping her right arm so tightly that there would be bruises on it in the morning. Well, it certainly wasn't the first time, she'd had a gun pointed at her head.

Kate forced another sob and bent at the waist, dropping her head below the tip of Tom's gun, before he could adjust Juliet brought her weapon up and fired. One shot. Dead center of the back of Tom's head. As Tom pitched over the side of the dock, Sawyer and Jack immediately started up their respective ladders.

Pickett grabbed Kate and slung her to the ground. She rolled out of the way as he followed her with the barrel of his gun. His focus was completely on Kate. He didn't see Jack coming up behind him. As Jack's head appeared over the edge of the deck, he saw what was happening and lunged forward grabbing Pickett's ankle and pulling as hard as he could. Pickett hit the deck but not without squeezing off a round. It missed Kate but grazed Sawyers in the left side as he pulled himself onto the dock.

Sawyer rocked backward but didn't fall. The pain was white hot and mildly disorienting. But rage bloomed inside him and he threw himself onto the deck planks with a vengeance. Meanwhile, Kate plucked Pickett's gun out of his hands and turned it on him.

Juliet surged forward to help but Ben lifted his crutch and swung it at her. It caught her full in the chest knocking her gun away and driving her to her knees. Sawyer glanced back and saw her fall. He took another step toward Pickett bent on revenge, but then Ben pulled a baton from his belt and extended it his cold blue eyes on Juliet.

Pickett rolled over and sat up, but Jack planted a boot across his neck and Kate fired a round into the board just to the left of Pickett's ear. He was still.

Sawyer turned to Juliet who was on her knees before Ben. He moved toward her but Juliet waved him off.

"I need to do this," Juliet spoke levelly.

Ben raised the baton and swung it but Juliet caught the tip with her hand and held on. Her eyes swam with tears at the pain of the impact but she gripped the baton and used it to jerk Ben forward. Never dropping her gaze from his, she rose to her feet and pulled a knife from the back of her belt.

Ben released the baton and turned to run, but Sawyer caught him by the shoulders and turned him back around.

"Going somewhere, bug eyes?" he said, as he gave the man a little shove in Juliet's direction holding Ben's arms behind his back.

Juliet stepped forward with the knife and laid the blade across Ben's cheek.

"I." she slid the blade along his left cheekbone.

"Am." She turned the knife and crossed the bleeding gash with another.

"Not." She moved to the other cheek and repeated the process.

"Yours." She spat at his shoes.

"Now, can I kill him?" Sawyer asked. "Sweetheart?"

Juliet's smile was cold but sure. "Absolutely."

Sawyer moved his hands to either side of Ben's head and snapped his neck. Ben fell unceremoniously to the ground. Sawyer stepped over him as Juliet dropped the knife and began to shake with sobs. He wrapped his arms around her and ran his hand over the back of her head as she cried into his shoulder.

"Shhh," he whispered into her hair, kissing the top of her head. "It's gonna be okay now. We're going home."

"Where's the sub?" Jack asked.

Sawyer looked up and gestured toward a spot a few hundred meters to the right.

"We should go," Jack said. Kate shrugged and fired a round into Pickett's head.

"Lead the way," she said. Jack blinked but didn't hesitate. He made a shallow dive into the water and Kate followed.

"Don't you love it when a plan comes together," Sawyer said, placing a finger under Juliet's chin and lifting it so that she met his eye.

"Stupid plan, you're just lucky I had your back," Juliet said swallowing a sob.

"After you, m'lady," he said, gesturing toward the edge of the dock. She dove into the water and he followed. Even with all that was going on, he couldn't help but admire the efficient way she cut through the water. The appreciation was mutual.

Jack reached the sub first and clambered reached to open the hatch. He was shocked when it began to rise above the water and opened all on its own. He was even more surprised when a tall dark man rose from the hatch with a serene countenance. He was starting to wonder why they'd even bothered having a plan.

_Author's note: I hope you like your Juliet a smidge violent. But Ben really has caused a lot of pain and suffering to the poor girl. Thanks so much for all your reviews and for sticking with me through all the angst. I wish I could adequately portray all the kick-ass action that was floating through my mind in this scene. Just imagine Sawyer, Juliet, Jack, and Kate all working together – kicking ass and taking names. That's what I had in mind. And let me know what you think. There's a bit more to go. . .but it's winding down for sure. _


	17. Chapter 17

_**Author's note: Okay, the last chapter except for the epilogue. . .finger's crossed. Thanks for reviewing, I can see the end and it looks happy to me. . .we'll see what you think.**_

_**Bear in mind that things happened differently to the rest of the survivors due to the absence of Jack, Kate, and Sawyer. . .**_

_**As for the ending. . .to be honest, this isn't what I originally planned but hopefully it works okay.**_

*******

"The rain's getting harder," Charlie said pressing Claire's small hand between his own. Aaron began to cry in her arms and she pulled her hand away from him to comfort her son.

"That's not rain," Hurley said shaking his head. The memories had been at war in his head since the moment they crashed. The ones that were actually happening and the ones that he knew could have happened – maybe did happen in another world.

Hurley pushed himself to his feet and left the tent where he, Charlie, Claire and Shannon had been playing cards between the thunderclaps and the baby's cries. He walked through the rain and pressed into the jungle. Charlie scurried to keep up and it wasn't long before several others were in tow.

Hurley knew things. No one could explain how or why – certainly Hurley never bothered. But when they'd almost run out of water, it was Hurley who led them to the caves with the spring. When they'd been sick to death of fish and fruit, it was Hurley who'd led them to a pallet in the middle of the jungle filled with everything their hearts desired.

Early on it had looked like Locke would lead the survivors of Flight 815 to rescue but he'd ended up roaming off into the jungle with Boone and they hadn't been seen since. Though, Shannon had managed to drag Sayid off to look for them a few times.

No, it was Hurley who'd gotten fed up with all the bickering and fighting one day and stepped to the forefront. "We can either live together. . .or we'll die alone."

He'd felt like laughing when he said it, but of those present only a few remembered that the words weren't his own. And those few were as sick of the sniping and backbiting as he was so they hadn't said a word. He hadn't wanted to be the leader and he'd felt a twinge of sympathy for Jack that he'd never felt before – although it was mixed with anger that Jack had left him here to deal with these lost lambs just like Locke had.

And where the hell was Sawyer? He was pretty damn sure Sawyer remembered everything or he wouldn't have taken off in the direction of the Others camp five minutes after the crash. Who ran TOWARD the Others? A man in love, that was who. So, it was Hurley then. Left to lead this ragtag bunch to safety and he'd done a damn good job of it too.

Didn't see Charlie getting hung on his watch did you?

Or the pregnant girl getting kidnapped and forgotten?

No. On Hurley's watch it was the people who mattered and that's who he'd looked out for. The people. His people and he was damn protective of each and every one of them. Well, maybe he hadn't spent all that much time tracking down Locke and Boone but then, keeping Locke around hadn't done them much good the first time and he wasn't all that worried about that one minor oversight.

So, though Sayid might be the one who bandaged the cuts and armed them with weapons when danger was afoot, it was Hurley that they all turned to when a decision had to be made. And he didn't just go wandering off into the jungle unless he had reason. That's why, by the time he reached the cockpit, he had quite an entourage.

And when Daniel Faraday tumbled to the ground and found himself in the midst of the throng, he just laid his gun on the ground and raised his hands over his head. "Don't hurt me," he said simply. And they didn't.

***

The group had traveled as a unit through the jungle chattering as they walked. To the outside observer, it might have sounded like whispers but it was just the survivors of 815 sticking together. They found Miles at the cliffs and though he pulled a gun on Sayid, he managed to live to tell about it. Only a broken arm and a dislocated shoulder – not bad all in all.

***

Charlotte ran up to them like a schoolgirl when she heard them coming. Hurley was surprised someone that naïve had lived as long as she had the first time around and from what he'd been told she'd been the first to go when the time traveling started up. Still, they rounded her up and went looking for Frank.

That was when all hell broke loose. That was the day that six of them rushed forward as soon as they saw the chopper and started a riot. That was the day that Hurley's little flock disintegrated into every man for himself.

***

Hurley stood watching the melee unsure what to do next. He tried playing 'What would Jack do?' inside his head and got nothing. Then 'What would Locke do?' and came up similarly empty. He nearly came up swinging when he felt the hand on his shoulder.

"Sonuvabitch," someone spat close to his ear. Hurley turned and found himself looking at Sawyer. He wrapped his arms around the other man and encased him in a bearhug that lifted his six foot four frame off the ground. No small feat.

"You're back!" Hurley said in relief.

"Just in time, too," Juliet said from where she stood beside Sawyer nodding in the direction of the free-for-all that was currently bringing about the destruction of the very object they were all fighting for – if they didn't stop soon it would be miracle if that chopper ever flew again. Juliet raised her pistol and fired it into the air. Only a few looked in their direction.

"Idiots," Sawyer muttered and raised his rifle and fired again. Now, all eyes turned in their direction.

"Ya'll want to kill yourselves fighting over a six-man chopper, be my guest. I got room for everybody else on the sub back at the beach. We can be home in a couple days. . .or you can keep acting like dogs fighting over the last bone. You know. Whichever cranks your tractor."

The whispering started up again as Jack and Kate topped the hill.

"What took them so long?" Juliet said, surprised. "They were right behind us."

"Well, considering the fact that she didn't have grass in her hair when we got off the sub, I'm assuming they stopped to celebrate," Sawyer said rolling his eyes.

She glanced at the couple in question, then slid her hand into Sawyer's back pocket and squeezed. "Think we might fit in a little celebration before we get back on the road?"

Sawyer's grin was closer to a leer. "Hell, yeah, we will."

"Why should we believe you?" Someone was shouting from the crowd – Frogurt, Sawyer thought. Never was better use made of a flaming arrow than the day that jerk died.

"Believe me or don't?" Sawyer shrugged. "We leave at sunset."

He took Juliet's hand and they turned to make their way back to the beach – eventually.

Jack and Hurley responded to the questions raised by the group and sorted out who would leave in the chopper and who would go back to the beach. A few surprised even themselves by deciding to remain behind altogether – Rose, Bernard, Joanne, Steve.

***

Juliet led Sawyer through the jungle toward the sound of running water.

"Where we going?"

"You'll see," she smiled and the light was bouncing off her golden locks in a way that made his mouth water. Her skin was rosy from the hike and the hair that had escaped from the French twist was curling from her damp skin and the humidity. She looked so alive in that moment that he stopped short.

"Come on, James. You don't want to miss your surprise," she teased.

"Amazing," he whispered. "You really are amazing. I never thought I'd have this."

"What?" she said softly barely trusting herself to speak.

"This feeling. This. Damn, Jules. I never thought I'd love anybody that loved me back. And it's. . ."

"It's what?"

"If I say amazing again you'll laugh."

"I'm not laughing, James," she said, her eyes soft with feeling.

He held out his hands helplessly and she closed the distance between him and melted into him. Heaven, if none of this had really happened – if this was all just a dream – it was worth it. If this was heaven, she'd gladly stay in the moment forever.

He was holding her close and kissing the top of her head. It was all chaste and sweet . . .and then it wasn't. They were pressed so close that she couldn't help but feel him harden and she felt a warm flood in response. She raised her head and he captured her mouth with his, his tongue probed at her lips and she opened in response. She wanted him – needed him – she was already so so wet.

He peeled back her shirt and the cool breeze touched her hot skin. She was burning up, she wanted him closer. Hell, she didn't just want him closer, she wanted him deep inside her. She moaned and he placed a hand on either side of her face – his thumbs traced over her swollen lips.

"We're playing with fire, you know," he said hoarsely. "If you're not pregnant. If you're not sure you want to try again yet. With what this island does to a sperm count."

"Oh. My. God. Would you shut up about sperm counts when all I want is. . ."

He cut her off with a hard kiss that didn't stop until his shirt was lying on the ground atop hers. They were breathing heavily and sweat drenched their skin to the point that it was hard to hang onto each other. Sawyer nipped her lower lip and broke away once more, holding up his hand though his eye never left her heaving chest where her pink nipple peeked out from under the lace cup of her bra.

"I need to know what you want, Juliet."

"If you can't tell what I want, you're deaf, blind, and dumb."

"Longterm, Jules. When we get away from here. I need to know whether you want. . ."

"I want you here there or where ever we are. Satisfied?" She reached for him and he caught her hand and squeezed it hard.

"A baby. I need to know whether that part of our life is over or whether you want. . ."

"I want Jamie," she broke in, surprised at how quickly she went from being filled with nothing but desire to being swamped in grief. Again. Would it never end?

Sawyer's shoulders drooped as she began to shake and tears began to course down her face.

"I want Jamie, damn it. I want our daughter. I want it to all be like it was with me and you and our precious little baby girl. No matter what else we fix. No matter how much revenge we inflict on our enemies. I. Want. Jamie."

Her eyes were flashing with rage despite the storm of tears flowing over her cheeks.

Her cries filled Sawyer's ears and he lifted his hands to cover them and drown it out. . .and then he realized the sound wasn't Juliet crying at all when the sky turned purple and everything changed except the woman standing before him.

***

_Thirty years ago_

Juliet held the tiny child in her arms and rocked. Her baby. . .her only child. . .her little miracle was fading away so fast. . .so very fast.

Sawyer stood beside her now – still at last. She's always been the one who stood firm while he was filled with rage and passion. She'd been the one who calmed the storm that raged inside him. But not that night. That night, he'd been the rock while she had crumbled.

When the baby was limp in her arms, he'd picked the child up and taken her away. Taken her outside so he could wrap her in burlap and bury the tiny child amid all those other fresh graves. He was still weak. So weak, and he'd stumbled more than once. He'd stumbled and fallen and nearly lost consciousness there in the mud.

And when he opened his eyes, Richard Alpert stood over him.

"What do you want now?" he'd rasped hoarsely clutching the baby against him.

"May I hold her?" Richard had asked so placidly it had made Sawyer nauseous.

"She's dead. She's dead and gone and no you can't hold her, damn it."

"Are you sure?" Richard offered, holding out his hands. Sawyer realized he was still lying in the mud holding what was left of his child.

Sawyer struggled to his feet and the rain mixed with his tears. He pulled the child against his cheek protectively and started when he realized she was still warm.

"She's not cold," he stated the obvious. "She's burning up!"

"And she shouldn't be," Richard said softly. "Not if she's dead. . .you were lying there when I walked up and that was a good five minutes ago. At first, I thought you were both dead. But I took your pulse and I tried to take the baby but you wouldn't let go – not even when you were blacked out."

"I gotta go tell, Jules."

"And in the time it takes you to get back there, maybe she does die. Maybe she doesn't last that long," Richard's words weren't unkind – just matter-of-fact.

"So what am I supposed to do, you sonuvabitch. Just stand here and watch her die?"

"Let me take her," Richard still held out his hands. "There might be something I can do. And if there's not. She's unconscious – there's no need for you to have to watch her die when you already thought you did."

And Sawyer had done something that he'd beat himself up for over and over again. He'd given the man his child. And he'd sank down onto the ground and sobbed.

It had been the next day when Richard had come back to tell him that Jamie was gone and he'd wished he could take it back. He'd wished he could have held her for her last little breath no matter how hard it was for him – he'd owed her that hadn't he? But he'd got it wrong. Like he'd gotten so many things wrong before. And though he'd knocked loose a couple of Richard's teeth, the man hadn't been willing to return his child's body.

So, he'd had to go home and tell Juliet what had happened. Because he couldn't add a lie to this tragedy. So, they'd buried an empty box and they'd called it their daughter's grave. And it hadn't made it hurt any more, he supposed. God, how could it possibly hurt any more.

***

_Just after the purple flash. . ._

Juliet still shook with rage even as Sawyer lowered his hands from his ears and glanced around apprehensively. It was raining. Wasn't it always raining on this damn island?

And over Juliet's left shoulder, he could see a figure approaching. He strode quickly to Juliet and pushed her behind him drawing his gun. He didn't lower it when he saw that it was Richard. But he did lower it when he heard Juliet's breath catch in her throat in a strangled sob.

That was just damn impossible.

Still, he picked up Juliet's shirt from the ground and shoved it at her forcing her to take it. She looked in the direction he was looking and hurriedly wrapped it around herself, clutching it together without bothering to button it.

Richard strode toward them carrying something small and still.

No. It couldn't be. They couldn't be about to face their child's dead body after all these years. Not again. It was too much.

And then, through the splashes and spatters of the rain, Sawyer could have sworn he heard a ragged little cough.

Juliet was past him before he knew what was happening. She reached out for the child Richard held but he held up a hand in warning.

"She's still sick. How'd you get word to her so fast?"

Sawyer realized the question was directed at him and then he realized why this storm seemed so familiar. He'd endured it before.

"I'm not him. . .well, I'm him. . but I'm from the future."

"A traveler," Richard said nodding. "I knew that. But I always forget."

"Can you fix her?" Juliet was saying softly, her eyes plead with Richard. "I'd do anything."

"Don't say that," Richard warned. "Not on this island."

"Please," she begged.

"Are you willing to give her to us?" Richard asked, and Sawyer saw Juliet waver.

"Hell, no!" he bellowed. "We want her fixed and RETURNED! You don't get to keep her."

Richard smiled. "It was worth a try. I'm still not sure Jacob will heal her, but we'll give it our best shot, huh? This way."

Sawyer and Juliet followed Richard numbly through the jungle. The rain soaked them through to the skin and they barely felt it. They didn't dare let themselves believe this was really happening, but they also didn't dare speak any words of doubt.

Richard passed the temple by and kept walking over rough terrain. At one point, Sawyer was sure that his little girl – weak as she'd been – surely wasn't breathing still, but he didn't give that thought voice. On the walked. Until the rain stopped. Until the sun rose. Until they stood before a massive foot that no longer provided a base for the godlike sculpture they'd seen but once and then only briefly.

A man sat against a piece of driftwood in the sand. He was roasting a fish over a fire. He glanced at them and then resumed his cooking.

"Jacob?" Richard spoke.

"Hello, Richard. . .James. . .Juliet," Jacob turned to face them now and he smiled sadly. "And you've brought little Jamie."

"Can you help her?" Juliet spoke with the boldness of a mother who would plead her case to anyone no matter what sort of power they had if only she could save her child.

"Is she still breathing?" he asked gently.

Richard brought the child and laid it on Jacob's knees. Jacob pulled back the blankets that wrapped the child and lay his hand on her chest and smiled at Juliet.

"She's alive."

"Can you?"

"Save her?" Jacob asked. "If there's still a spark of life there, I believe I just may."

The man went still and the color drained from his face. Beads of sweat formed at his temple and it was obvious that whatever he was doing took great effort.

Sawyer had stepped to Juliet's side and place an arm around her shoulder. She ran one around his waist and they waited, clinging to each other. Afraid to hope and afraid not to.

Sawyer hadn't realized his eyes were closed until he heard the baby begin to cry and his eyes popped open. Juliet's laugh came out in a half-sob and she rushed forward and without thinking, lifted the child from Jacob's hands and crushed her against her breast.

"Oh," she breathed. "I've missed you so much." She whispered to the tiny girl. Sawyer didn't trush himself to speak. He just wrapped his arms around them both and held on tight.

"You're out of time," Jacob said simply, breaking up their little party.

"What?" Sawyer said, the muscles in his neck tensing.

"You – you and Juliet – you're out of your time. You're supposed to be someplace else in time."

"Oh, well, yeah," Sawyer said confused.

"I can send you back, if you like," Jacob said as though it were the easiest thing in the world. "It disturbs the balance for people to be out of time."

Juliet clutched the baby to her chest. "We won't leave without her."

Jacob's brow furrowed. "Yes, that would be a problem. If you take her back to, well, you – there's no way that Juliet will set off the bomb and risk blowing up her child. No, we've gone to a lot of trouble to fix this mess and we can't mess it all up again. I guess you're right. She'll have to go with you."

"But, won't she be 'out of time' then?" Sawyer asked, confused.

"Yes," Jacob said with a sigh. "She won't be able to stay on the island, it would upset the balance. But if you take her away from the island. . .it will have less effect there. . .break your heart to leave the island will it?"

Sawyer thought he detected a note of mischief in Jacob's eye. He wasn't sure he liked it. He didn't have long to think about it though because he next thing he knew, the roar started up – his daughter began to scream and rather than protecting their own ears, both Juliet and Sawyer cupped their hands over the little girl's ears. And the purple glow bathed them in hope.

***

The End

***

Just kidding, there's still an epilogue. How bad was it? You can tell me. . .seriously. . .it's just hard to dredge up a happy ending after all that misery. ; )


	18. Epilogue

Epilogue

_Flashback_

_Jack watched in horror as the hatch on top of the submarine opened and a tall dark man peeked out. He turned to warn Kate to run – or swim as the case may be. But, Sawyer surfaced._

"_I didn't know whether to trust you or not," he said, as he dog paddled closer to the hatch._

"_Did you really have a choice?" Richard asked as he extended his hand and hauled Jack topside. "Let's go get your friends."_

_***_

Jack paced back and forth across the plush beige carpet of the waiting room.

"Would you please sit down?" Kate begged.

Jack grunted a reply and perched on the edge of a creamy leather divan to Kate's left. The surroundings were posh for a waiting room. Jack tried to remember the area where his own patients waited – pretty sure there were polished black tiles on the floor and hard benches – or were there couches. Damn, he should have gone into a different specialty. If this was what the waiting area looked like, imagine the doctor's private office.

He bounced to his feet and started pacing again.

"Sit. Down," Kate said between clenched teeth. She was nervous enough as it was. She was wearing a navy blue tailored pantsuit she'd picked out online because she was still too paranoid about being recognized to shop in actual stores. It fit her well – the fabric had some stretch to it and it hugged her figure which was still as athletic and trim as it had ever been. That made her a little sad sometimes, actually, if she thought about it too hard. But mostly, it was a point of pride.

Jack's head whipped around. "Why her?"

"Because she's the best," Kate said, offering a weak smile. "You asked around – she really is the best at what she does."

"I just wish it was somebody else. You're sure it's not because you're afraid someone else would turn you in?" he asked.

Kate's shoulders stiffened. It was a sore point between them – the fact was they'd spent almost all of his Oceanic settlement to insure that her new identity was airtight through so many layers that only intense scrutiny and the nose of a bloodhound could have penetrated it. That he'd married her only to have her hide from the world in their penthouse apartment.

There was no Oceanic 6 in this world. There were over forty survivors of Flight 815 and they included not only the group Hurley had held together by the skin of his teeth – but the stragglers Ana Lucia had kept alive. Hurley and Libby were married with two children and another on the way. Kate was thrilled for them every time she thought of it. Mostly. She was also jealous.

Before they could argue again, a mahogany door swung open and a petite dark-haired nurse stepped through with a clipboard in hand.

"Dr. Burke will see you know," she said with professional grace. "This way."

When Kate rose and gripped her handbag so tightly that her fingers were white, Jack placed a hand at the small of her back. She wanted this so badly. Sometimes he wondered if the lies they'd told on the island had brought this on them. But they hadn't been the ones to tell those lies.

"In here," the nurse opened another door and gestured inside. "She'll be right in."

Jack surveyed the framed pictures on the bookshelf behind the desk. In a pewter frame, Sawyer held a little girl aloft over his head. They were both laughing uncontrollably – their happiness was unmistakable. There was a picture of Sawyer, Juliet, and Jamie not long after they returned from the island. Juliet wore a loose fitting beige suit and she and Sawyer were looking into each other's eyes – smiling – happy – while the baby slept in Juliet's arms. There was another picture of Juliet in a blue silk robe – the same little girl was perched beside her on the bed – maybe a year old in this picture – maybe slightly younger. The little girl had blonde curls and a skeptical look on her face as she looked at the baby in Juliet's other arm.

A family.

The subject of many of the pictures stepped into the room and pulled the door closed behind her. Juliet was a few years older than the last time they'd seen her but she looked infinitely more relaxed. She exuded professional intelligence and confidence as she offered them a welcoming smile.

"Shall we save the small talk for dinner and get right to why you're here?" she asked. She could read the tension in both of her new clients. Small talk wouldn't relax them – it would only make it worse.

"You got the file?" Jack asked, reached for Kate's hand and resting their intertwined fingers on his knee. His toe was tapping the floor beating out a rhythm that was driving Kate mad.

Juliet picked up a folder from the left side of her desk and laid it open, running her finger down the page. She looked up and nodded.

"I don't know what the other doctor told you," she said. "but I've seen much worse. Piece of cake."

She winked.

Jack and Kate looked at each other then back at Juliet. "But they said it was near impossible," Jack pointed out.

"Eh, for them maybe. What do they know?" Juliet shrugged, then turned serious. "I know you don't want to hear it but there are a few more tests. I've made you an appointment at the lab."

Juliet leaned across the desk, and bypassing Jack, placed the card in Kate's hand. Her eyes were locked onto Kate now.

"This is workable but it will take a little patience. It won't happen overnight – well, it might. But it's better to expect the long haul and be pleasantly surprised."

Kate nodded as her trembling fingers turned the card.

"So, you think we can have children? Maybe?"

"I think we take one day at a time. But I'm optimistic," Juliet smiled. "So, you have an appointment tomorrow too, Jack."

She handed him a different appointment card which he took with a grimace and tucked it into his jacket pocket.

"So, if you'll meet me in the exam room, we'll get started," she said to Kate pleasantly. Kate rose and walked out – it was awkward – but she had to admit that Juliet was doing everything in her power to put them at ease. A nurse met Kate and led her to the exam room. Juliet stood and smiled at Jack.

"Dinner at 8, remember. We got a sitter and everything – and if you think it's any easy feat to find a sitter for those Ford hellions I'm raising – well, you have no idea how much we're looking forward to adult conversation."

"Seems like a nice problem to have," Jack said wryly.

"Trust me, Jack. This is what I was born to do," Juliet said, giving his shoulder a squeeze. "In no time you'll be neck deep in Thomas the Train and Dora the Explorer like the rest of us. And then you'll be ready to kill me."

"You wouldn't trade a minute of it would you? Really?" Jack asked.

Juliet looked back at the pictures behind her desk and smiled. "Not a second," she said.

*****

_**Author's note: Many thanks to those of you who stuck with it to the end. Especially, justawriter, makealist, and tia for their support and encouragement. And a special thanks to eyeon who helped me keep my head around the strings I was attempting to weave together to make a story. **_

_**I might write a one-shot as a follow up to this one regarding Jack and Kate's situation here if there's any interest. If not, it was a lot of fun writing this – maybe it wasn't too tortuous to read. Hang in there, we've almost made it to February 2**__**nd**__**!!!**_


End file.
